School dating game

Reading Is Life

2020.10.20 22:50 SortWatts Reading Is Life

Sub for novels & wuxia addicts
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2020.11.28 17:51 bassingpreeze17 29 Cub seeking age 40-60 cougars in Los Angeles CA and So Cal Area

Greetings all, I'm guessing my as advertised title was enough to catch your attention
I'm Joseph, it's a pleasure.
If you're stopping by this post it's mostly likely because you may be like me. Doing your best to follow the rules during the pandemic, holding on but still feeling like you miss good human connection and maybe want something just a little more than the average one night and run fair that most are looking for here. (Trust me I feel the heat after being locked in for so long and I'm ready to go to town but I like to make sure we connect a bit first). I've poked my head into other spaces but dating apps feel a bit less personal than a long winded essay about me so here I am
Anyways, hopefully my blurbs and willingness to talk will attract you and keep wanting to chat more and get into it before you get into each others arms. If you're looking for something that's a little more than just a one time deal, look no further because this one has details that won't completely disappoint. So lets get to it:
Stats (so you can size me up): I'm 29 years old, 6'0 tall, brown hair and eyes, white/hispanic mixed, in decent shape, 170lbs, 7 inches and thick, college educated (BA in Communications, and applying to Grad School), can travel/drive, don't mind some weekend drinking but I watch myself and while enjoy an edible sparingly here and there, I'm drug free otherwise and polite and laid back.
Career and Hobbies:Work wise I work for small businesses as a project and digital media manager, usually helping them grow. Currently I'm with an electrical contractor and I help them manage projects and their digital output (mostly advertising but how they do it online) and I also do a bit of teaching on the side to kids in music programs but that's obvs on hold right now with how the world is turning. And as far as hobbies I'm big into video games, I like to collect and learn about old and new projects and try out new games as much as I can. I also like following movies and shows. I'm a big fan of new cooking recipes and when quarantine isn't happening I do like traveling
My status: I'm single. My last relationship ended months ago and it wasnt a long one, COVID just ensured it wouldn't last. It sucks but we mutually made the best call and we are still friends now. With that, I've taken some time to myself and I'm finding being single to feel good. Still, it's been awhile since I've just been on my own and while I know I'll be fine by myself for now, the pandemic makes meeting new people in a more normal fashion tough so here I am shooting my shot. I'm just trying to see who I meet and if there's any kind of decent connections to be made. No pressure.
What I'm into/looking for: Now here's where you come in, as my title says I'm looking for the pleasure and company of an older lady but considering I've actually gotten some messages from interested ladies my age or younger as well I'm open to anyone really. Appearance wise i don't have a long list of preferences, but thickecurvier body types tend to be what I find myself attracted to. Need my dose of thiccc thighs. Age wise I figure 40-60 is a fair range but if you meet the curvy credentials than as long as your are 18-60 I don't mind, shoot your shot. And I have no ethnic background preference but I've happened to mostly date white, hispanic and asian women (could be that's who I attract, just an observation not a limitation) so that is what it is. Beyond appearance as long as we can carry a conversation together and click in that regard I think we'll get along fine. Also, I've have a good handful of non-single women reach out and yes, I am open to and fine with non-single women. I don't judge and if by change it needs to be a discreet situation, we can discuss the details as we proceed, not my first rodeo.
Anyways, if my description sounds like the kind of man you are after, send me details or what you think we'd have in common and a pic of you will get some of me.
Lets keep each other sane and satiated as we can during this quarantine.
submitted by bassingpreeze17 to Cougars_Den [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:51 bassingpreeze17 29 [M4F] CA/Los Angeles - COVID Free and College Educated for Cougars and other Curvy Company

Greetings all, I'm guessing my as advertised title was enough to catch your attention
I'm Joseph, it's a pleasure.
If you're stopping by this post it's mostly likely because you may be like me. Doing your best to follow the rules during the pandemic, holding on but still feeling like you miss good human connection and maybe want something just a little more than the average hook up and run fair that most are looking for here. (Trust me I feel the heat after being locked in for so long and I'm ready to go to town but I like to make sure we connect a bit first). I've poked my head into other spaces but dating apps feel a bit less personal than a long winded essay about me so here I am
Anyways, hopefully my blurbs and willingness to talk will attract you and keep wanting to chat more and get into it before you get into each others arms. If you're looking for something that's a little more than just a hook up, look no further because this one has details that won't completely disappoint. So lets get to it:
Stats (so you can size me up): I'm 29 years old, 6'0 tall, brown hair and eyes, white/hispanic mixed, in decent shape, 170lbs, 7 inches and thick, college educated (BA in Communications, and applying to Grad School), can travel/drive, don't mind some weekend drinking but I watch myself and while enjoy an edible sparingly here and there, I'm drug free otherwise and polite and laid back.
Career and Hobbies:Work wise I work for small businesses as a project and digital media manager, usually helping them grow. Currently I'm with an electrical contractor and I help them manage projects and their digital output (mostly advertising but how they do it online) and I also do a bit of teaching on the side to kids in music programs but that's obvs on hold right now with how the world is turning. And as far as hobbies I'm big into video games, I like to collect and learn about old and new projects and try out new games as much as I can. I also like following movies and shows. I'm a big fan of new cooking recipes and when quarantine isn't happening I do like traveling
My status: I'm single. My last relationship ended months ago and it wasnt a long one, COVID just ensured it wouldn't last. It sucks but we mutually made the best call and we are still friends now. With that, I've taken some time to myself and I'm finding being single to feel good. Still, it's been awhile since I've just been on my own and while I know I'll be fine by myself for now, the pandemic makes meeting new people in a more normal fashion tough so here I am shooting my shot. I'm just trying to see who I meet and if there's any kind of decent connections to be made. No pressure.
What I'm into/looking for: Now here's where you come in, as my title says I'm looking for the pleasure and company of an older lady but considering I've actually gotten some messages from interested ladies my age or younger as well I'm open to anyone really. Appearance wise i don't have a long list of preferences, but thickecurvier body types tend to be what I find myself attracted to. Need my dose of thiccc thighs. Age wise I figure 40-60 is a fair range but if you meet the curvy credentials than as long as your are 18-60 I don't mind, shoot your shot. And I have no ethnic background preference but I've happened to mostly date white, hispanic and asian women (could be that's who I attract, just an observation not a limitation) so that is what it is. Beyond appearance as long as we can carry a conversation together and click in that regard I think we'll get along fine. Also, I've have a good handful of non-single women reach out and yes, I am open to and fine with non-single women. I don't judge and if by change it needs to be a discreet situation, we can discuss the details as we proceed, not my first rodeo.
Anyways, if my description sounds like the kind of man you are after, send me details or what you think we'd have in common and a pic of you will get some of me.
Lets keep each other sane and satiated as we can during this quarantine.
submitted by bassingpreeze17 to AgeGapPersonals [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:50 bassingpreeze17 29 [M4F] LosAngeles - COVID Free Grad Student for Pandemic Cuddles and More

Greetings all, I'm guessing my as advertised title was enough to catch your attention
I'm Joseph, it's a pleasure.
If you're stopping by this post it's mostly likely because you may be like me. Doing your best to follow the rules during the pandemic, holding on but still feeling like you miss good human connection and maybe just want someone to connect with as well as keep you warm till you fall asleep. (Trust me I feel the heat after being locked in for so long, I have no filter anymore and I'm ready to go to town but I like to make sure we connect a bit first). I've poked my head into other spaces but dating apps feel a bit less personal than a long winded essay about me so here I am
Anyways, hopefully my blurbs and willingness to talk will attract you and keep wanting to chat more and get into it before we start keeping each other warm. If you're looking for something that's a little more than just a hook up, look no further because this one has details that won't completely disappoint. So lets get to it:
Stats (so you can size me up): I'm 29 years old, 6'0 tall, brown hair and eyes, white/hispanic mixed, in decent shape, 170lbs, 7 inches and thick, college educated (BA in Communications, and applying to Grad School), can travel/drive, don't mind some weekend drinking but I watch myself and while enjoy an edible sparingly here and there, I'm drug free otherwise and polite and laid back.
Career and Hobbies:Work wise I work for small businesses as a project and digital media manager, usually helping them grow. Currently I'm with an electrical contractor and I help them manage projects and their digital output (mostly advertising but how they do it online) and I also do a bit of teaching on the side to kids in music programs but that's obvs on hold right now with how the world is turning. And as far as hobbies I'm big into video games, I like to collect and learn about old and new projects and try out new games as much as I can. I also like following movies and shows. I'm a big fan of new cooking recipes and when quarantine isn't happening I do like traveling
My status: I'm single. My last relationship ended months ago and it wasnt a long one, COVID just ensured it wouldn't last. It sucks but we mutually made the best call and we are still friends now. With that, I've taken some time to myself and I'm finding being single to feel good. Still, it's been awhile since I've just been on my own and while I know I'll be fine by myself for now, the pandemic makes meeting new people in a more normal fashion tough so here I am shooting my shot. I'm just trying to see who I meet and if there's any kind of decent connections to be made. No pressure, just looking for a grade A friend with benefits.
What I'm into/looking for: Now here's where you come in, as my title says I'm looking for some casual fun and connection. Appearance wise i don't have a long list of preferences, but thickecurvier body types tend to be what I find myself attracted to. Need my dose of thick thighs. Age wise I figure 18-60 is a fair range. As long as you're legal lol, and I do mean that up to 60, i do have an eye for older ladies. And I have no ethnic background preference but I've happened to mostly date white, hispanic and asian women (could be that's who I attract, just an observation not a limitation) so that is what it is but all shades and backgrounds are welcome. Beyond appearance as long as we can carry a conversation together and click in that regard I think we'll get along fine.
Anyways, if my description sounds like the kind of man you are after, send me details or what you think we'd have in common and a pic of you will get some of me. Also I am in the general South Bay of LA and can't always host so those two are pluses if you are in the area and can.
Lets keep each other sane and satiated as we can during this quarantine.
submitted by bassingpreeze17 to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:45 worldatstandstill Is it hard not having a dating life anymore?

It's gotten pretty lonely being on lockdown and doing school virtually. If you want to meet other people in a stress-free, fun environment, try Heartcade.
Heartcade is a free, award-winning app on a mission to help people create genuine connections. Using video game elements, Heartcade makes dating apps fun again by ending superficial swiping so people can have a chance to connect as human beings.
This is what other users have said: “The app provides a great balance of fun, while still providing some 'serious/legitimate' chances at emotional connections”
"[The best part was] having an almost completely unbiased conversation with someone before finding out what they look like.”
Sign up here: heartcade.co/request-entry
submitted by worldatstandstill to askTO [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:43 Hey_Its_Will Please move the event

Please we need someone from epic to hear this, I believe most of the community is really hyped for the event. It looks awesome, the buildup was, overall the game is in a good state. However, the timing of the event is not the right choice. Most of us are at school or work, and I’m sorry to say but school or work is more important than an hobby (even if its incredible)... Most people say to stream it, however if I cant play the game, why could I stream it. I know too that there will probably be a downtime after that and the decision can be hard. But please we need to change the date to a weekend.
Please most of us really want to experience the event in live, and not in rediffusion.
Thanks
submitted by Hey_Its_Will to FortNiteBR [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:36 thrownforapoop A Person in Progress

Disclaimer: This is not a essay on whether women or men are more at fault for the detachments that occur between them. Rather it is a summary of on person’s struggle and journey towards finding what can be used to bring them together. Obviously it may be repetitive and annoying, but hopefully it can resonate with people who feel like they are alone in this world and just watch the people with the apparent confidence to share their life enjoy what they cannot.
One element of advice from a man who received more attention than he deserved from women to the anyone who decides to listen: Initiate Conversation with those you subconsciously believe as less than you. This will take practice and experience to learn, but normally if you find something uninteresting or boring, you have a prime opportunity in life to learn and grow for yourself and something else. Please take it.
Whether or not it will serve me well to do this, I am in a state of constant argument with my own mind, morals, and morality. I could choose to walk away from these feelings and accept that the journey to overcome this would be unlikely to succeed. It is why I am writing. As most great adventures go, history will ignore the millions that died while trying. Or as Yoda says, those that do not, are ignored.
At some point in growing up in grade school I started to have overwhelming anxiety that was akin to having a flu’s nausea whenever I missed an assignment. It would be a minimal reading assignment at first or just a missed practice, but would evolve to not showing up for presentations of group projects. Prior to having the internet, a child’s mind had books and old movies to play out and reflect their imaginations. How it was passed to me, I cannot say as I have no recollection of any mention of sex while growing up, but at some point the concept of sex grew out of these mediums. By about 2/3 grade I had somehow discovered what sex was and was given detention by making fun of a girl at school about her wanting to have sex along with another kid.
Natural bodily functions were functional, necessary, but a bane to existence, I would have issues that had been recurring since I was young. One of my first recollections is having been unable to control myself in the main area of the house and trying to clean shit up myself at around 5 years old. After that, I know I had trouble controlling myself while sleeping. I would either have night terrors and sleep walk, wake up screaming, or else wake up having peed, shit, or vomitted on myself. Well into my elementary school years, my my mother kept a walkie talkie in my room and once caused her to break a toe trying to stop me from doing one of those acts in the middle of the night and went to the hospital. Gloriously these reactions happened at restaurants, but my memory is hazier there. Nightmares where I would recall being at a family meal and not being able to interact with people and becoming very concerned that I would never be able to communicate with anyone. At times this manifested by being at school with a fever and convincing my teachers that any feverish symptoms were due to playing outside.
So welcome to the show. You’ve got the hook. It’s terribly baited. What sexual being would choose something destined to be ignored, pitied, and rejected. One that is logical.
A word of note, the majority of those memories are of a selfish being. A being so mentally incapable of understanding of the outside world that my family’s burden maintaining that kind of child is rarely considered in my head. I was even fascinated by a TV show where a woman was demonstrating methods the mafia used to kill people which stuck in my mind. She would not die, but my thoughts would begin to wonder how to solve those frustrating childish problems.
First section isn’t really abuse as the term is commonly understood. While I do believe that physical and sexual abuse are way worse, the action to accept that I was helps me see that others are too and to not act out in reaction if they act in a negative way to me. Mind you it’s taken me 28 years to see this with countless male friends, but admittedly few or one directional female friends spending time with me. This may be identified earlier if the friendships at a younger age are stronger, long lasting, and deeply emotional. In my circumstance it was not.
To not make this a self hating essay, I have to give credit that I made my own friendships for the most part. The concept of parents molding a child’s social circle was ambiguous to me, as mostly is the case for all abusive households. If the parent is struggling there is a good chance that struggle will be passed on to the kid. For the most part I was able to create a world to be successful in. But taking a small sliver of wisdom from Thomas Jefferson (given his own failings at following his own advice): continuously refresh that world. He believed a constitution should be rewritten every 20 years, and a person has much more freedom of movement to accomplish that much more regularly.
Avoidance that resulted in long term thoughts and pain started in 4th grade. A girl made it clear she was interested in me during a school game and for now all I recall is that I froze up and could not respond to her. A friend pulled me aside to offer a child’s advice, but it didn’t help. Given I had had other instances of severe anxiety induced by a fear of missing out, it’s not surprising it stuck. But it is blatant how often that repeated itself. People would try to socialize with me on bus rides and I would have none of it. When my guy friends would be attempting to flirt with girls I would make a fool of myself and ruin the sense of secrecy that they were trying to convey. In addition, I would be too friendly around my friends girlfriends. Developing inside jokes about my friends with the girls. Both instances made me an outsider in most intimacy discussions at that stage.
You get the point. Awkward, painfully shy, obnoxiously self centered and not willing to play by the rules, ignoring the fact that the rules were unknown. So to spice that ignorance up: I started to look at photos of naked women on workplace supplied computers where my mother taught. Obviously as any kid would, I had found other mechanisms using catalogs and yearbooks, but that was my first excursion into acting a way that could harm others. I was a loner and loser so making use of my sisters old barbies and dressed them up in “revealing” versions of their clothing to replicate the images I found online when I couldn’t be online was not irrational at the time. Of course I then used my small savings to purchase a PSP knowing it had internet capabilities and from them on only used my mother’s laptop when I needed escalation. Around this time I developed fantasies in my head of dying and the people at school being sad for that happening.
Escalation is the natural entropy of a young guy and trading sleep for more sexual release was a natural tradeoff in my life. I did learn some interesting skills around this time with respect to learning how to down videos and photos and spent hours solving problems that were not even solvable at the time. I was able to skate by school with lucky amount of intelligence and memory that worked in my favor to passing classes that I spent no time on understanding. I would always wait until I was completely satiated to start work, and working by flashlight. This time was heavy with categorizing photos in various structures which was a weird hobby I also had growing up with toys. I inevitably evolved into reading erotic text stories that I found and would spend hours reading trading in my previous passion for reading in general. A concern with the written language that I didn’t realize then, but the imagination with words can be much more elaborate and subversive in daily situations for me. I would catch myself daydreaming at school about the written stories, while I previously had only thought of the photos I had seen online.
Avoiding social situations began at this time. I would go to family reunions or hang out with friends and be distinctly bored by the whole interaction. Wanting to go and do what I would normally do alone and not be able to do so. I would dehydrate myself and choose fantasy over engaging with friends while on trips with them. It started my habit of masturbating in the company of others, but attempting to do so without being noticed became a recurring hobby through college. An inability to have close friendships developed and I would move into different circles in school, with struggles, to begin associating with “smarter” children. This led to a detachment from previous friendships and an evolution to becoming someone who held birthday parties people would rarely attend and at one time, only 1 person did so. My habit of avoiding social situations began by avoiding the 8th grade dance. A girl did comment on it, but I let it just leave my mind as a lie at the time. I then attended a an 8th grade graduation, but shit my pants and stayed at the party while trying to clean up intermittently. I am very confident that I did not pull that off and I never really saw those people again.
Over the next couple years, I would do poorly on class work that required effort rather than just smarts and I started the process of no longer practicing musical instruments. My trumpet was first as I felt that I would impede my TV time and my parents would not appreciate me playing it when they got home. This was also the time my sister and I started to interact as my parents: we would have huge fights and then go watch TV in separate rooms all day. I also started to develop performance anxiety and could never play solos in front of large crowds.
Up until this point, I had been stealing all of my internet connection from our neighbors growing up. But around middle of high school we ended up getting internet. I used some past research to download tools and convert videos and images into more portable formats and continued to expand the amount of photos and videos I saw. I would also start reading not just violent, but kidnap and torture focused stories as well as full on death/murder and found stories with women of questionable ages along with beginning to fund a lot of fascination with Dexter and Criminal Minds.
High school gave me more opportunities to both engage socially and then avoid social interaction. Numerous people would try to talk to me, but feeling myself a mixture of unworthy and unlike them inspired a lack of work towards becoming social. High school girls gave me the nickname “failure” at some point due to my performance anxiety. While I went to one homecoming, I avoided the rest and only socialized during school sponsored activities and a few times hung out with friends. A girl talked to me on the bus and I just ranted about something until she no longer wished to talk to me. She also reached out to me at one point and asked if I believed a human brain could think itself into a sickness. To which I chose not to respond besides stating that if it was true, then the opposite had to be also true. Women would openly express a desire to be friends and spend time with me, and I would either pretend not to notice or shut it down if I did not like them sexually.
One person had the determination to make something happen with me instead of just hanging out as part of a friend group. She directly asked me why I hugged another girl and not her and started to hug me. I would respond with asking her to hang out while we avoided doing work in band and even hugging her in front of other people when she “accidentally” put herself close to me. She then put her shaved legs on mine on a bus ride and also cuddled on another. Both times I either was too concerned with stomach issues causing me to relive the anxiety of childhood stomach issues. She helped escalate our interactions, but the anxiety and jealousy of her other male friends and other facts of her social abilities ultimately led me to finding yet more solace in porn as I ran away from her.
This was not an isolated incident in my fantasies/memories. One girl “accidentally” sat on my arm which was resting on the table while she read something on a wall. I could have asked her to move or shift or say something and instead I just sat still and acted indifferent. Someone even called me out while playing poker (at which I easily lost) and told me that I only played with a good hand. Another time I did the same thing I did in 4th grade and avoided attempting to spend time with someone in fear that she would cut my balls off and I stuck to that viewpoint given many opportunities to modify my actions
I would decide to double down on written stories about women of uncertain age involved in asphyxia scenarios, torture and electric shock scenarios, as well as death. I would not find this much of an opportunity to change myself until college, and instead I existed in a state of boredom and uncertainty. Unsure of what I was feeling and unwilling to feel it. I did have a reputation for going to friends houses to play video games and playing cheaply without building up any other skills. Admittedly I did not spend time practicing so they had validity to that statement. At the end of high school the only time I took to drink was with my mother when she allowed me to share a sherry my sister had actually received for her graduation. Even then though, I would drink to get drunk. I explicitly recall my mother having to tell me to stop and not keep drinking.
Social anxiety and alcohol at college gave me the opportunity to act with freedom from my past isolation. But the missed opportunities kept occurring. On targeted me within a group of random people I helped coordinate and I went after her, a first time for me. We hung out, but when I decided to act on it, she would push back often and didn’t seem to notice that she did get me off, and then did again but made it clear it was not something she enjoyed. Ended up ghosting her just because I couldn’t stay interested in her physically or mentally. Danced with others at a party, but could only do so when blacked out. Otherwise I would never talk to anyone and would only be creepy, by trying to dance with people without talking and touching them without asking.
During this time, my drinking escalated to the point where I worked during the week to drink. In addition, I would take any opportunity on offer to smoke and drink any day of the week and took pride in surviving as well as I did while doing so. Though my grades did begin to drop, my weekly blackouts were not seen by me to be a major concern. I would take liberties in vomiting and forcing people to take care of me on regular occasions following significant binges. Once locking myself out of my dorm, and even more often requiring a clean up process the next day.
This did modify as I went into my second year in college. I would explicitly try to avoid socializing as often, but another issue started where I would begin to budget my efforts and binge more dramatically and had to be taken care of by my new roommates that were not my friends. A key instance was when I was drinking with people after a tough week and while I walked myself home (which I did so often in blackout situations) I ended up waking up a block from my dorm with paramedics taking care of me. I managed to talk them into letting me go home, but this was my first instance of losing all logic after drinking and I was lucky not to get fined as I had messed up an establishment outside of my room.
Porn increased this year as socializing decreased, and I quickly escalated through my previous porn elements and realized I was better off with written material as the videos were not fulfilling what I sought (it was also quieter in the company of others). My search terms went to a much more extreme level and I would spend hours reading and fantasizing while avoid social situations. I also would fantasize while hungover, and with my roommate present. I began to use these processes to get myself to both wakeup and sleep, especially after my times drinking. I would blend visual, written, and moving representations of all the activities that I wanted to blend into an event in my world and exist in that state for hours.
Early in third year I must have felt accomplished after an internship and learning that I could handle a tipsy drive. I went hard into one of the first football games of the season, overdosed on alcohol, and ended up at the hospital. I did discharge myself and met up with a school administrator, but again did not consider a stop to my drinking. I again kept focused on reducing these episodes. But I built confidence to then work very hard during the week, but party recklessly. I also had instances where I would mistake rooms in group retreats and made a fool of myself by going into the wrong beds while blackout or require people to care for me while blackout.
My friends decided to set me up with his girlfriends friend and instead of staying cool headed and try to make a friendship at the least, I got drunk to the point that I left the party and walked 2 miles before I was lucky to hitchhike safely. My final year, my drinking stayed roughly the same and while I did go to jail and failed to manage my drinking at all. However, what I did notice is that once graduation happened I felt a lot more bereft of what the next part of life would bring. It felt numb and without hope. My drinking excursions diminished, but they did not ever stop, nor did I think they should. I would come home from work parties and vomit in my room. Drive drunk after some as well. And it didn’t cross my mind that was a problem. Paranoia began after a bad trip, and most other social anxieties again occurred.
At this stage I again lose a bit of the timeline and I know what I would do for porn would amount to edging for hours without letting myself finish. While it had started in school, it came to the primary focus after school. It would allow me to spend hours on my own and get work done, but also manage my emotions during that time. I began to start to use dating apps, but was predictably unsuccessfully. Certain “lucky” situations occurred, which were recreations of high school, but more obviously sexual. One grad reunion night, I went home after a party and must have believed I was home so I stripped naked to sleep cooler and avoid night terrors. A friend came down and she told me that she was hungry. Instead of being able to think through what she meant, I grabbed my phone and in a black out tried to order her some food. Another woman I met online did relate to me by being online a lot, but I freaked out when she discussed shock therapy for depression and I could never touch her. I did nothing as she had previously made it clear she had been sexually assaulted at parties.
I did end up spending time in a friends town that I went to college with, but when the night got later, we both just got blackout. I groped, but did not progress past when I stopped hearing her moaning, but it was concerning to me, that I do recall it even though it was such a foggy night in general. I do recall that later that night I mistook a closet for a bathroom and had to clean that up in the middle of the night. Similar bathroom problems also occurred while staying with other friends later that year.
Drinking and being confused kept happening and I would end up in my previous apartments trying to reason with the new residents about where I was supposed to be. I also returned to old AirBNBs and would attempt to break in while blackout. While at festivals and with friends I would choose to take certain days off, but I also began to experience some serious digestive concerns as well while eating and drinking too aggressively. I had a habit of vomiting in hotel rooms or in airbnbs with the frequency of my college days. Experiments of drinking and taking edibles alone just to relax by myself became commonplace. This was enjoyable, but became an emotional roller coaster and I ended up texting people from work multiple times during these situations. Socially I would get kicked out of restaurants because I could not hold myself together or lose my ID and phone while out with people. The expenses, time, worry, I had in recovering my phone/wallet/ID was life changing and helped me again try to cut back. Unsuccessfully.
At this time I had developed a significant habit of masturbating to a concoction of multiple different forms of porn and regularly switching between then over multiple sessions and in a single one to keep my mind from becoming stalled. ASMR porn paired it with Porn Music videos which used rave and epileptic level flashes in scenery to up and relax my sexual stimulation. I did notice that I would come home from work and use the PMV for an upper and the ASMR videos as a downer just before bed. This would help me relax and not worry about the next day. I had scenarios where I would being reading the stories that I had found on work trips and trips to see friends and would plan to read them on the plane. I would read them on trains places (as they are more separated from each other). I also made it possible to listen to these stories while I was driving and would drive home on long road trips where I would be masturbating myself while driving, but doing so in a manner that would only be edging so that I would avoid the consequences of something more serious.
Around this time I met a series of coworkers that I tried to do initiate with and I let them into my head They helped shape my understanding of trust in friends. We played tennis, went on hikes, and went skiing. They ultimately invited me to their apartment twice, I invited them to mine once, and they flaked on me once. They would make references to their “pet names” boyfriends had and were calling them, and other emotional bids. When I recall telling them about listening to ASMR, I do recall my other coworkers “coincidentally” bringing it up the next day. Hours on the phone and at dinners with just talking about life in general and solving problems for work well into the night as well as sharing book recommendations. They argued with me and talked to me about work in ways I only now realized they had little care for. They let their guard down near me at work, not harassing, but letting clothing slip and stating things with sexual connotations I have heard and decided to do nothing about. Sky diving, a concert (where I lost my mind and grinded on one of them the entire time and lost my ability to tell directions or do anything), and other work trips and even sleep in the same bed as I did made a significant impact on my view of women in the world and how they viewed me.
I then met a friends sister (same friend as from college who set me up a lot) and she asked me out while we were on an ecstasy trip. I felt a relief like being back in high school and immediately unloaded about the 3 work friends. She would listen and seemingly understand what I was going through, but she kept at it and she and I would call once a week. Our interactions awakened a feeling of paranoia in my mind. My mother would vent on her marriage to her friends, which were mutual to my dad. Ultimately I felt a fear that if I messed up, my actions would reverberate through my friend group and ruin what little reputation I had. At this point she pointed out she only saw me as a friend. We spent time on a vacation and I didn’t initiate fearing I still didn’t understand what was happening. However, I got fed up when she visited DC for some friends and took a risk to make a move on her, that I could barely understand myself. We had sex, but about halfway through I do recall my roommate coming back and immediately having paranoia about bothering his night. So while I tried to keep going, I lost my erection. We did wake up the next day and I wanted to engage her, but I recall being very rough and ashamed for being so. Later in her home town the next month I went to a party with her and her work friends and I do not recall much besides getting drunk. Hearing her that night saying she didn’t want to have sex, and then taking that to mean she had to be explicit with me the entire rest of the trip for me to be allowed to initiate again. She never was and I remember just watching her sleep without doing anything. We ultimately had our last discussion before she left about how she wanted to just have fun and how I was not seeing what the point of fun was.
After this year, I ended up not only facing consequences by drinking, lusting, and smoking. This fell apart after I began to move away from the people that I worked well with even though I felt that my life was starting to change. I drove drunk and got into difficulties while driving and texting with a coworker I was interested in. This along with the breakup of the work team, and a fight with one of the coworkers led me into a spiral that culminated in a multiple instances of driving drunk and then blacking out and losing my phone, wallet, and laptop. I identified and took action on staying sober at this point, though I cannot recall the exact reason for joining the support group I did. I did keep smoking for a few months, but I was a regular dick in any social situation and otherwise I would just collapse in my head and not talk to anyone depending on the level of the high.
About 3 months into sobriety I realized that porn was either just as bad or worse than the drinking. Namely the days I would lose to hangovers would become ever more lost due to the weekends spent masturbating. I had also started to use anonymous browsers and started making accounts for online forums to view the content. I did start interacting with people as well, but it was largely as a means to streamline and encourage more content rather than actively trying to provide my own. This also became a period of time during which I realized how much masturbation would help me sleep as my two weeks of avoiding it resulted in poor sleep and restless mornings. I lasted about two weeks without porn once. But I would start to travel and land myself in situations where I would spend entire nights on my own in different cities instead of with people in the support groups, with friends, or more importantly just resting.
I did end up meeting two other women online, and I enjoyed one’s company (though she did admit to scamming from an online marketplace). She ultimately took the lead in getting me into her room on our second date, but seemed to know the entire time that she could do that and that I wouldn’t have the ability to lead her there myself. She tried to have sex, but I was still not happy with my last performance, so I settled for lesser options and didn’t meet her view on it as a one night stand maturely for a while. I made a female friend in one of my groups and when speaking with her one on one, she openly told me about her skills at oral, but that she didn’t like to talk about it. I decided to mock her for how she changed her moods and said terrible things to her via text, to which she has since stopped talking to me. This repeated itself with a friend from college. I would repeatedly talk down about myself and question her decision making for her past experiences she was describing to me. In both cases I was actively trying to avoid intimacy in order to just get to sex if possible.
On a trip with the red cross I ended up meeting a woman also volunteering but on a different shift. I didn’t have the guts to exchange numbers immediately and another volunteer was kind enough to initiate that for me. Effectively we did chat, but I decided I had no chance at some point and while I believe she was trying, I stopped. Attended a wedding where I could have at least tried to talk to one of the bridesmaids. I made a fear based decision not to do so. Then I drank I glass of champagne and started to follow whiskey around the party and decided to bail out of the situation.
For about another year, I would keep this process going of intermittently watching or reading porn and my interests began to shift to harder mainstream avenues (along with the industry in general) but I would also find myself reading and listening to interviews of the actresses and sometimes other performers and began to feel drawn to them as people and less of an urge to partake in watching their actions. Rather I wanted to start getting involved in the actions myself. I was then unable to stop for many circumstances and while I would work to avoid cannibalism and death porn, I would make slips into that and PMV and hardcore aspects. In affect, I would go to meetings to work to remove this urge and know that I had just come from watching porn and that I would go right back to it.
My perspective alternates now between viewpoints that are summarized by the below:
At this point, I cannot keep sexual imagery out of my head when interacting with women and repeatedly get frustrated by not being able to talk to them long enough to at least discuss that topic. I have tried to engage in erotic writing, but fail to put in the real time/effort to make that a reality. I have lost long term determination to create and develop an artistic skill. I repeatedly binge and purge with respect to physical fitness, socializing, adrenaline, and entertainment now and it is a daily struggle not to just watch porn. There is a good chance that when I read this I may have already slipped that day.
I get that it takes time to learn these things, but it’s a daily struggle at the moment to confirm I want to. I did see people at gyms try to speak with me and avoided them and I know that as time goes on I sense that I will want less and less to do with women. Due to sheer frustration. I understand I have to keep trying and persevere, but there’s a time to reflect on whether I am not following my path.
But every day, I feel a sense of hope that I can overcome small elements of these social and emotional fears that I have been working for years to avoid. Whether it happens is unknown. But I hope that my time working on this will give others hope that there will be a chance to overcome theirs in time. Most importantly of all is the belief that all of the women and men that have played unnecessarily dedicated roles in helping me see where I currently am can also exist for others as long as people are willing to put aside their normal social norms and find those that are hiding behind their fears. If you have made it this far, you probably are someone who is capable of doing just that. So do not give up and only pick 1 or 2 favorites to improve the days of. Fight to be a beacon of hope for all who are suffering, whether they demonstrate they deserve it or not.
submitted by thrownforapoop to Anxiety [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:19 sanohe How do you settle into peace after a lifetime of trauma?

TLDR; How do you adjust to a life of peace after living a life of intense trauma all the way into your 30s. What philosophy guides a life of peace? Versus the 'just survive somehow' philosophy that guides the life of trauma/survival?
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I posted in here a few days back about being in a secure relationship for the first time in my life, and how terrifying that was for me. As I thought more about it, it's bigger than that.
I grew up in a very traumatic, strictly religious and emotionally abusive household. When I read Educated by Tara Westover, I was horrified by how many times I could completely relate to and understand the type of abuse she described. While I didn't suffer as much physical abuse and neglect, I could relate to parents who consistently put religious dogma over the well being of their children, and who ignored/didn't address the physical, verbal, sexual and emotional abuse their male children inflicted on their female children.
Due to my parent's religious beliefs I was severely restricted from socializing in my teen years. I was already considered weird because of my parent's strict beliefs, but not being able to have friends -- literally because my parents forbade it -- made me an intense social outcast and a target. I was bullied consistently throughout high school. By senior year I was eating lunch in the guidance counselor's office because I had nowhere else to go. I would eat lunch by myself, and then wander through empty classrooms talking to myself.
To cope with the neglect I faced at home and the extreme isolation I faced outside of my home I developed many unhealthy habits in my teen years: Heavy emotional eating, followed by starving myself to maintain my weight, picking at scabs over and over again so they didn't heal properly and formed permanent scars, squeezing pimples so hard that I damaged the skin and had permanent scars, playing with fire, watching porn.
I was so relieved when I left home for college. My college was very far from home, and even though I attended a conservative Christian college it was actually WAY less restrictive than the home I'd grown up in. It felt like freedom! I made friends, I went on dates, I made out with a guy for the first time, I went shopping for the clothes I wanted (my parents restricted what I could wear), and I worked jobs to have my own money. I was well-liked in school -- was even student body vice president my senior year -- and some of the negative habits I had developed in teenhood started to ease.
After college life got even better. I moved to a major city, started working in a field (journalism) I loved, had my own apartment, and attended a church that was less conservative than the one I'd been raised in. Things seemed to be looking up.
Then, four years after college, I got married. I had been living with my boyfriend -- a fact that I tried to hide from my parents. It was really for financial convenience. TBH we didn't even like each other that much, but were both in low income positions and figured we could save some money. But once my parents found out my dad was horrified and ordered me to marry him. He pressured me and manipulated me from a distance. Saying that I was living in sin, saying that, "marriage is just like dating, but with a piece of paper" and I should do it. It was the worst decision of my adult life.
The marriage was a disaster. As a boyfriend, my ex-husband had been lazy and unmotivated. As a husband he descended into all out financial exploitation and neglect. Because I had been raised so conservative I knew barely anything about birth control and I got pregnant back to back 3 times. My husband wasn't working so I had to work to take care of him and our babies. He spent his days playing video games in the living room while I strained to breastfeed, raise toddlers and push my small business to the brink because it had to pay for all of us. He couldn't/wouldn't hold down jobs, he told me I wasn't as smart as I thought I was, he stayed silent when his family verbally assaulted me.
On top of my horrible marriage, all the childhood stuff I hadn't dealt with crept into my friendships. Because my childhood home had been so combative I always assumed the worst in personal interactions. I accused friends of insults and slights where there were none. I had a horrible temper. I isolated some truly good women who just wanted to walk beside me in life. On the flip side I stayed in toxic friendships with people who did not wish me well. Who were jealous of me or secretly delighted in my downfall. I guess deep down it's what I felt I deserved.
The only thing that was going well was my small business. I think in part because I needed to keep it profitable because my husband wasn't a provider, and because it was an escape from my marriage, my horrible friendships, my horrible family and the pressures of parenthood. It was my one thing that was "mine."
3.5 years ago I pulled the plug on the madness. 6 months after I'd given birth to my last child I asked my husband to move out and for a divorce. To be completely honest with you, it was mostly out of fear that I would get pregnant again and get mired even deeper in a toxic marriage. I went through with the divorce, but quickly found that it was just a first step. There was a lot of work to be done. I started intensive weekly therapy, I read books and watched YouTube videos about emotional stability and overcoming trauma, I finally let go of toxic friendships and was even able to reconcile with a few women from my past who I'd isolated unfairly, I took up an outdoor hobby that connected me with a network of wonderful people, I started doing yoga every day, then I started to meditate every day, I confronted my parents about what they'd done in my past and told them I no longer considered myself religious. The more I took steps to heal, the quieter life became. Whereas my life used to be a constant whirlwind of arguments, trauma and anxiety, I started noticing that I would have stretches of days, then weeks, then even months where things were smooth sailing. Obviously life still had its challenges, but I started to feel confident and calm that I could meet the challenges
And then about three years after my divorce I met my current partner, who has a very secure attachment style. I never thought the relationship we currently have would be possible for a woman like me. There has been no trauma. I have space to be myself, to love and be loved. I respect and admire him, and he respects and admires me. When issues arise we talk through them to find solution and consensus. It is the exact opposite of my marriage.
One thing I am realizing -- and this might sound crazy -- is that I don't understand the purpose of a calm life. For 35 years -- with the exception of college and the years after that before my marriage -- my entire life has been about struggling against the people in my life. About fighting and clawing for my survival. About being isolated and enduring pain directly inflicted upon me by others. And now that those things are gone, I don't know completely how to exist.
I am still in therapy and my therapist has noticed that my anxiety levels are still through the roof. On many days I still live as though there is a threat around every corner. That the other shoe is going to drop at any moment.
I am working on re-wiring my brain, but I wanted to hear from you ladies. If your early lives involved a lot of trauma, how did you adjust when the trauma subsided? How do you perceive your life now? What is your guiding philosophy?
submitted by sanohe to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:16 iseegiraffes Alex Karev's Character Assassination: A timeline, discussion, and alternatives

Alex Karev's Character Assassination: A timeline, discussion, and alternatives
I am writing this post to expand on a comment I wrote and to explain why I think what they did to Jo and Alex was terrible, in addition to being Game of Thrones level bad storytelling. I shall begin by briefly outlining the timeline of events, followed by a discussion of the characters and alternative endings. You can skip this section if you are pretty familiar with the source material.
Greys Anatomy fans will tell you that time exists in a black hole, but here is essentially the timeline of Alex and Izzie's relationship.
Seasons 1 - 3: Alex, Izzie, and the rest of MAGIC begin their internship together. There is some drama between Izzie and Alex, but for the most part Izzie is deeply in love with Denny and goes through the trauma of his death till about the end of season 3, which is the end of their internship year.
Season 4: This is the beginning of their second year of residency. Alex has the drama with Ava (facial reconstruction girl) and her psychotic break, and is also hooking up with Lexie. Izzie spends most of her time trying to break up George and Callie’s marriage. Alex and Izzie are at odds with one another for the majority of the season.
Seasons 5 - 6: Its not until midway through season 5 that we get into the ”I’m here for you” Izzie/cancer storyline (haha, remember ghost sex? Yeah thats season 5 for ya.) And with the cancer storyline, comes the cancer wedding between Alex and Izzie. Their marriage was pretty short lived and Heigl exited the show midway through season 6 (6.12 is her last appearance as a series regular). At this point, Alex literally begs her to leave so that he can start over, she does not land the job in nearby Tacoma, and on top of that she secretly leaves Karev to pay her massive pile of medical bills. She leaves before they begin their fourth year of residency.
In the later seasons once MAJAC has passed their oral boards, time really goes Jeremy Bearimy. Jo Wilson is a resident for like, 7 years but I will ignore the timeline inconsistencies and pretend she had a regular 5-year residency. So let's fast forward to Karev’s first year as a fellow, when he meets intern Jo Wilson. They don’t hook up until the end of Wilson’s year (all the interns are studying for the intern exam at Alex’s house until Wilson kicks them out so she can get laid by Alex). They have normal relationship ups and downs for all 4 years of Jo’s residency (minus the few month’s they’re separated because of the misunderstanding with Deluca) and finally “marry” right before Jo manages to get a fellowship at Grey-Sloan. Partway through her fellowship, they recommit to one another, actually sign the marriage paperwork, and are legally married after several years together. Then, pretty much right after that, KAREV LEAVES JO.
tl:dr - Alex and Izzie are on again off again for like 18 months, max. Jo and Alex were together for 4+ years.
So we’re supposed to believe this man, who has grown so much as a person and as a pediatric surgeon, abandons his wife, who has well known abandonment issues, to fuck off to Kansas… To be with a person they were briefly in a tumultuous relationship 6+ years ago, at a very immature stage of his career.
Seriously, it would be like meeting someone your first year of college, dating them all four years, marrying that person - then abandoning them for someone you kinda sorta dated as a freshman in high school. It’s literally bizarre.
There are so many things the writers could have done differently - because honestly the fandom knew what was going on behind the scenes with Justin Chambers. But people watching/streaming for the first time 10 years from now are gonna be like “wtf????” And its nearly as damaging to rewatchability as the ending of GOT. With production knowing that they could only get his voice for one last episode, I believe they chose the stupidest possible thing to do with it.
Here are some alternatives.
First option, they could have had Karev be the one that crashed the car into the bar, and then have the car explode so he’s unrecognizable a la George O’Malley. Make the backstory that he has been helping his mom through a psychiatric break (as he stated to Jo) and caught a red eye home because, say, one of his favorite patients cancer came back or something. He was rushing to the hospital and fell asleep at the wheel. Terrible, but plenty of closure and you know the fandom loves a good death. Then use his offer of voice acting for a remembrance episode.
Second alternative, they could have had Izzie have the kids, yes, but Karev and Jo fly out there to meet them together. Give Jo agency in the storyline rather than retraumatizing her. Make Karev choose to stay in Kansas WITH the kids and they mutually decide to end their marriage because Jo needs to stay in Seattle for her career. Justine Chambers doesn’t need to be on screen for this, it can be shown through conversations Jo has with Link. Leave it open ended. Maybe she will join him, maybe Karev and Izzie spark a romance while she’s away so freaking Vernoff can have her Izzie/Alex happy ending she so clearly craves. But ultimately Jo comes back to Seattle and Karev doesn’t. This is the option the should have used if they want to eventually have him back on.
Finally, they could do a story they’ve never done: suicide. Let’s say Karev is Iowa dealing with his mother. In family therapy she reveals like, a traumatic rape or something happening right in front of Karev’s eyes he could have helped with. He gets depressed. He notices that all the crazy women in his life have one thing in common: him. Flashbacks to Kimmy and how he couldn’t save her. The last episode of his voice acting is him having phone conversations with Jo, then having conversations with the 1800 suicide hotline, then the line goes dead. Funeral montage centered on Jo. They never actually have to show the showing the body like they did with Meredith funeral montage. The result of this storyline is that Jo becomes an advocate for mental health among doctors – in keeping with her character and real-life burnout among doctors.
But, Alex Karev writing a letter that goes “I’m in love with Izzie and in this letter I’m writing to you to end our marriage, I’m going to tell you about how happy I am and how I’m already sharing a bed with my ex wife” and for Jo’s reaction to be “Ya know, I’m sad about my relationship of several years that represented growth and stability in my life is over, but therapy tools, and I’m over it cause he put a tiny trashcan in my car.” Is just lazy writing, and lazy execution.
Someone else has said, that the writers did a good job because its so divisive and has fans talking, and they had to leave it open ended so Chambers can come back but I don’t think that true. They did a terrible job – they have demonstrated this season alone that fanservice isn’t always a bad thing – they brought Derek back and their numbers are through the roof. On the other hand nobody is happy about what they did to Alex Karev. If I’m wrong, please come up out of the woodwork and express yourselves. So I’ve come to the conclusion that it was intentional character assassination and they have no intention of ever having Chambers back. I mean, now they can’t without bringing Heigl back too and I’m pretty sure Shonda is not going to do that. I think they did it to make people dislike Alex as a character but it was so out of character that nobody is mad at Chambers, we’re mad at the writers. It is literally the writers job to tell a good, consistent story, and they failed at their job.
So ultimately, I think they told a bad story. If you loved it, tell me in the comments. If you have other alternatives, lets hear them!
https://preview.redd.it/a5179eaaa0261.jpg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0c206861ef0614ac4bdf12323c754f281e3feb65
submitted by iseegiraffes to greysanatomy [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:15 Icy-Engineering1583 32 y.o./male alcoholic 13 days sober again

I turn 33 this coming Wednesday. I'm watching the movie "Clean and Sober", which seemed to be more about cocaine addiction, but still. I have done A.A. before, but it was in a co-dependent relationship and I did it so we could keep seeing each other and we were kinda judging the other for their usage and thinking we were the one in control, doing A.A. to be supportive of the other person. That was like 6 years ago. I was sober in that situation for around six months and then my brother came home and pressured me to get his very new and very temporary girlfriend some club weed. I caved. The club gave me extra free weed for coming in for the first time in forever. I went back to all my old habits.
I have a DUI from purposefully drinking myself into oblivion after an unexpected pregnancy and subsequently awkward abortion blew up a committed relationship I was in and I was self-destructive for about a year- I'm the guy in the equation.
I beat myself up constantly until my eyes were swollen half-shut, black and blue, my equilibirum off balance, ringing in my ears... I drank and drove constantly... until I left my bowling alley one day with only like 3 beers in me but having been a workaholic with no days off in forever and fell asleep at the wheel at the first red light, scraping a bunch of parked cars and obliterating my right front end before the car stopped working and I hopped out, waited for the cops to show up- the station was literally at the next corner, half a block down the street. I bombed/didn't make an effort on the DUI tests and practically admitted it outright and got arrested. I spent like 30 minutes in the holding cell before agreeing to a blood draw and got released to a family member (one cop told me I looked buff and like I'd kick someone's ass in the drunk tank, another cop said I looked tiny and that I'd get passed around and beat up in the drunk tank- I'm 5'6 but I was 185 lbs at the time, 50 lbs of which was pure added muscle, so they were probably both right in their own ways), took a plea deal, did DUI school, passed, got my license back about a year ago after a year suspension and another six months not bothering to renew my license, but didn't bother to buy a new car.
I've gone 6+ months sober at times, had a year or two here and there where I drank very little or only socially, largely thanks to being in relationships with light or non-drinkers and preferring companionship, romance, sex, intimacy, etc. over alcohol. And for the most part I have been able to keep it to social drinking at times. Not so much during lockdown. I quit weed about 6 months ago. It stopped being fun and relaxing, something I could do casually and started making me freak out, get paranoid, feel physically uncomfortable, so quitting was easy and natural. But I still wasn't ready to truly be sober. So further lockdown led to heavy, heavy drinking again. 375 mL to 750mL bottles of Bulleit Bourbon every day or every other day, depending, with maybe a couple days off here and there.
Woke up last Saturday and realized I was just gonna sit there and drink again. Decided I was tired of that habit and just...poured it out. Haven't drank since. Not having any urges. I tend to have an addictive personality, both to the good and the bad. Right now I'm addicted to getting healthy and not consuming any and all stimulants/inebriant. Meaning I'd even be cool with cutting out coffee.
Typically I drink slowly. A finger at a time, sipping gradually an hour or so at a time, but I go all day from waking to sleeping, so it adds up. I don't chug but all added up and not giving myself real breaks, I binge. The bottles that last normal people a week or a month or a couple months last me a day, maybe a day and a half.
I didn't drink at all in high school and not much in college, but in my mid-20's I got into the bar scene, into the bowling scene, started dating a functioning addict and it really got kinda crazy for a while and never quite stopped. I drove home black out drunk from the bowling alley more times than I want to admit. Been woken up by ushers in movie theaters I couldn't remember driving myself to, in movies I didn't remember getting a ticket for. Etc.
When my high school crush agreed to come over and hook up after 15 years of pining for her and I finally texted her randomly one night and she was game but couldn't make it until the next night, I nervously drank a finger an hour all day waiting for her arrival. When she got there I felt sober. But I got whiskey dick and had to work to keep it up/get going again every so often that night and felt a slight hang over the day after anyway. That's pretty typical of me, I guess, when it comes to abusing alcohol.
I'd been socially drinking/mostly smoking weed the last couple of years, but then when we all thought quarantine would last two weeks, possibly a month, I did what a lot of people did and day drank as a kind of half joke, thinking I was in control and having fun/relaxing on a temporary staycation. Obviously as quarantine/lockdown stretched on, the drinking spun out of control, but I started to get tired of it. Problem is it's now been 8+ months of this behavior, again, even with a day or two off here and there, even with the last two weeks off. I may have taken a month off at one point but its been such a repetitive period I can't remember for sure.
I was born with a congenital heart defect and had my annual cardiology check up not too long ago. I asked the doctor point blank about it and he said my heart did not appear affected/damaged by alcohol. So I am lucky there.
I just ran in place for 30 minutes to try to burn some fat and get back into an active lifestyle after basically becoming a shut in who stays in bed all day since I stopped going to the gym and I don't feel comfortable being in public, even on sidewalks, even to go jogging. I'm not in bed in a depressive way. The bed is my office, my couch, etc. I live in a studio apartment and using my actual couch without company started to feel awkward, but the bed feels like home. I'm sitting on the far end of it right now with my lap top on my knees, typing this.
I'm also a gym addict and would run two miles down to the gym for a 45 minute lift and then two miles back, before lockdown began, so jogging came naturally and felt good, even if it was weird to do it in place, in the living room. I have like 3 cups of coffee in me and like I said, I just finished up jogging in place for 30 minutes.
I ran because I am worried about liver damage, about fatty liver issues and I after what is essentially a two week detox, I wanted to start the process of losing any excess fat I've built up, get back into shape a bit compared to the inactive lifestyle I've had the last few months. I basically only drink water and coffee nowadays, with a splash of creamer to cut the acidity of the coffee.
I'm not sure what I am looking for here, other than some community, I guess?
I feel less like calling myself 'sober' and more like saying "I don't drink anymore." as I see a difference in the mindsets- I didn't like the spiritual part of A.A. or the one foot-in, one foot out structure of a sponsor.
To me, sobriety means you're focused on whether or not you're inebriated. Your addictions still control you. Whereas if you say to yourself and believe and feel as your personal truth that you don't drink, it's more out of sight, out of mind and you're a non-drinker. Being in recovery and constantly acknowledging that and analyzing that feels like alcohol still controls you, whereas simply not drinking and being enthusiastic about it liberates you to focus on other stuff... yet here I am anyway. Recently started following "The Yellow Life" on IG.
I'm not tempted or anything. Quite the opposite. I feel extremely enthusiastic, committed and comfortable with sobriety for the first time in a long time. I enjoy being sober. I don't think of it as being sober. I think of it as just being. I feel like I could win the lottery tonight and go buy a mansion and fill it with toys and not fill the bar with a single thing, not buy any weed, etc. I feel like something bad or depressing or frustrating could happen and at worst I'd sleep for a day or two, but I wouldn't be tempted to mask the issue with alcohol or weed. I think about my body and how much I want to heal and repair the damage and no longer impact myself from drinking or weed- my liver, my lungs.... etc.
But still, I just wanted to acknowledge it in an appropriate place.
Not sure if I am looking for a "sponsor" on here. Just community, I guess.
Thanks for listening. Open to any and all responses, sharing of experiences, etc.
I might delete this post in a while because I feel awkward being so open about my history and where I am at now, but it still feels good to share, get it out into a community that will maybe understand and commiserate.
submitted by Icy-Engineering1583 to alcoholicsanonymous [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 17:14 GraveyardScars The Curious Case of My Relationship; (Me, 17F) (Him, 18M)

I never expected to find someone like him out in the world. Late into august, I met my current boyfriend online. We didn't hit it off immediately, honestly I wasn't even really into him. He was still wrapped in an ex and I was just there to support him and be his friend. Then as time went on, I slowly realized I was catching feelings and I really wanted to meet him. We picked a day, I drove an hour away and finally got to hug someone I can finally call my yellow. We didn't start dating until 5 days later on September 16, but we knew we were bound to be together.
We're deep into our second month of being together and some issues have reared their ugly heads and I'm not sure how much more I can say to him to get them to stop. He's loyal, however he puts everything else in front of me. By everything else I mean his video games, stuff like that. I don't mind him talking to his friends but I hardly get to see him in person (time constraints between work and school) and when I need him the most, his friends are always top priority instead. I suffer with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) as well as Generalized Anxiety. These past few weeks I ended up relapsing on old habits and I think it really pushed him away. I get super emotional, anxious, and sometimes even a bit angry when I'm trying to spend time on the phone with him and he's too busy paying attention to his video games and discord conversations to talk to me. What can I do to get my point across? I just want him to understand. We've had this talk so many times and every time he vows to change and yet here I am, with nothing left in my mind to think of to do. Please give me all the advice you can offer, I really want this to work. I love him so much and I know he feels the same, but I just want him to show it.

TLDR; Two months into my relationship my bf is putting video games and his friends before me, and it's causing a bit of a rift between us bc of work and school being in the way too. any advice?
submitted by GraveyardScars to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 16:11 Peterson95 Male(25) Scotland - Female (19) Germany

So an update for everyone,

We met online and it was the best thing ever, she played games I played games
(Inner childhood dream becomes reality) - (Broke up after 6 months together)

So first few months were amazing, April 30th 2020 to be exact, lead up to a few issues with trust and stuff but we fixed it and got better, I learned a lot about her, her past, and current situations which I don't feel is right on my behalf to say, but she had trauma and I didn't expect it to be as bad.

May - Became loving and really close, never a day without each others company, Instant problem, no time for yourself because its the love phase and the Adrenaline is high between you both and its long distance so things get more amped up as you want to prove yourself.

June, same as may, feelings become more and more connected, learning more by the day about each other, few disagreements because she was doing drugs with friends and one guy friend said they may need to share a bed, I wasn't confident or happy with it, we worked it out he slept on the living room floor she shared a bed wit ha girl friend, she sent a picture to prove it which shouldn't have been the case but she wanted to assure me.

July, Feelings are becoming more towards the I love you sign, I dropped the I love you she did too, it became a daily thing, movie nights together watching her favourite childhood cartoons or movies she remembered ( Aristocats,101 Dalmatians, Inside out) Started to speak about flying to her at the end of July, Corona virus got worse I was furloughed nothing to do, stuck in Scotland, lost all my friends because of my depression getting worse decided to make myself happy and fly to her to close the gap, I done it August 1st -8th. She was scared, past trauma, panic attacks took over her, she didn't want me to fly, she spoke to her dad, he said book the flights and live with us in Munich, I done it. Adrenaline was high, I haven't flew in 13 years, and I was doing it all alone, got the train to the town centre, memory in my head of it saved, got to the town centre messaged her, I'm almost at the airport, butterflies in my stomach fear was there but I suppressed it, never felt like this for a girl, not even my exes. Got the bus to the airport, flight booked in at 18:00 Edinburgh - Landed in Munich 21:00 during the flight I slept, constantly dreaming of her and meeting her. Landed in Munich, mother calls me, wishing me luck and she's proud of me for stepping out my comfort zone for a girl 1300km away.
(there was some issues with a girl flirting with me at this point and a lot of other stuff that happened that was resolved but caused problems because she didn't trust girls and I didn't trust guys a few other things such as other guys flirting with her and her not seeing it as flirting and passing it for them joking around, me being caring for her because her problems and past i got more protective of her because I didn't know how else to react, she wouldn't tell me the full story of stuff and hide it, then the next day she would tell me, and it would cause more stress, because she needs time to word things correctly so she doesn't fuck anything up, but doing that it stressed me out thinking there was problems everyday etc))

I get to my exit gate, I see her I'm nervous scared, she comes to me we hug, I meet her dad (who is the most nicest man I've ever met and regret hurting him through hurting his daughter) It was all so quick and nerve racking, sat in the back of the car, awkward silence for a bit, she texts me (I love you so much and I'm happy you came) currently crying while writing this as my depression and love for her is still strong even thought its been two weeks and I keep ruining every chance, Sitting in the back of the car we finally converse, things are good, we get home I get my room located in the basement where her dad works from home. We relax in her room watch a movie, she cuddles up next to me, we kiss for the first time, I will never forget it, it felt like a first kiss and I will hold id close to me, the next days I met her mother on Sunday as I arrived Saturday, we went travelling around Munich visiting places, I got sick due to travel sickness and not eating because the nerves. Had a meal couldn't properly eat it felt bad for wasting her dads money and offered to pay, (no you are our guest) I still regret not paying and not eating because I'm a guest. The next day we relaxed had a few movies, then went out to meet her real life friends who were so nice and welcoming, the guy her best friend Kuba, still in contact with me and still talks to me, made me food I ate thank god food I'm my tummy, I cant keep my eyes off her, she's so beautiful, I begin questioning myself how, why, typical things always waiting for the red flags because my past trauma with my abusive and controlling ex, We go about our day, get burgers to eat and stuff, alcohol, I couldn't really drink because I found out I had a issue with my stomach due to over drinking alcohol during furlough, went home she was drunk we lay in bed i opened up about my past life and my ex with her, i cried for the first time since i was 16 after my uncle passed away that night, i never showed emotions or feelings, I was a bit of a fuck boy before i met her, sleeping around with other girls, then i found the one, her and still two weeks into the breakup she feels like the one to me and i cant move on.
After all the fun we had, i never slept with her, because she wasn't on the pill i had no condoms, i wanted to but i didn't because i valued her past and wanted it to be the right time when we did it. Apart of me feels she hates me for not doing it but im over thinking everything, im ruining more things than i am making it better.

So i fly home on August 8th, i land depressed sad, crying she messages me come online when your home we relax in discord we talk and flirt the usual stuff, I've became weaker, more emotional and open, nothing really happens in this month of August apart from us talking more planning more.

September - Stress, Operation, Depression, and anxiety and more problems occur. She has her birthday in September, shes mature for her age and thats what attracted me originally and she was funny, Exams and her depression gets worse, i begin to focus more on her needs ordering her stuff, rings, a necklace, a teddy bear, flowers every month also forgot to mention this as its something i like to do for her, She's fine, in hospital im worried waiting for her to be home, we message all the time comforting her being there for her, not realising my breakdown is near and im about to hit rock bottom. She gets out, stress from school, doubting herself losing faith in herself, i begin to think its me, im doing something wrong, what do i do? I work harder and it makes it more stressful because i don't know what else to do, she says she needs time at the end of September, this goes on until the breakup, I over work myself during work im back working in the Gyms and working from home in my other job, constantly telling people about her, showing people pictures of us in Germany, loving her missing her daily, she's my everything my princess, Im happy with her and what we have, My ex appears in the gym, my trauma goes into overdrive, she's dating my best friend now, we argue, i get mad depressed sad, i crumble, i try to explain to my current girlfriend the issues, but im getting mad because im not explaining myself the way i want to, she tells me its ok i love you your the one for me, i begin to feel insecure and my past is taking over, i book appointments for therapy in October as follows.

October - The worst month of the relationship, so she needs time, reaches out to her old German friends, doing so she meets more girls, guys etc, one guy she met Marc only knew him for three days and instantly he has her number for WhatsApp, I asked him who gave who their numbers, he said he gave her his, she said she gave him hers, two conflicting stories, i begin to over think and doubt myself im already falling apart, i ask for time and she tells me "How ironic, now you need time" i held on so much and tried to push through but i crumbled, and she thinks im blaming her for things when im not im lost confused and hurt, unsure of what else to do. I speak to my therapist he tells me to take time, dont message your girlfriend just stop writing lengthy paragraphs and getting mad your not getting what you put into it in return., so i do so, she spams me "Why are you distant" "what's wrong" i tell her im sorry i need time, im mentally unstable right now, being furloughed from the gym again, losing more money, my mothers stressing me out for rent money, my bills i cant pay im stressed, relationship becomes harder to manage because she feels im caging her when i finish work and say im finished work, as if its a key word for "Get online and play with me" she has always had her opportunity to say no, so we discuss more and more trying to fix it, seems to get worse with no result, so i say, lets plan a day for us and us only, i told all my friends im busy on this day dont contact me, Saturday comes, we game together after i finish work, we play up until 9:30 pm when she says "My friends want me to play games, is it ok if i play, its up to you" I reply no truthfully we arranged today for us, games all day then a movie, she sighs and gets upset, so she goes quiet and i say, just go play with your friends then if you want to its fine, she replies, NOOO i want to play with you and then a movie. So im getting mixed signals from this and it hurts, also her "friend" Marc we tried to play but i went quiet and had a breakdown because i wasnt ready, i tried to explain this to him, he tells me "your an adult, man up and stop being insecure, and an asshole controlling her" which sets me off big time, like you dont know me i just tried to explain and you insult me after you showed me you were overweight you asked me to help you and you return it with this issue like what?
We also broke up unofficially the first time due to me breaking her trust and fucking things up, which i can understand why, i promised her everything, but i kept fucking up because i was stressed and scared to loss her, and she was distancing herself more and more from me, we would only see each other at midnight for a movie, and at that point there was no talking movie and sleep that was it, so no bonding, we made no plans but she could just go on message her friends and thats her the whole day gaming with them. The thing that annoyed me the most was Marc, how he disrespects my emotions and traumas and tells me his and i respected him for it. He continues to play around with my emotions, blocking me re-adding me causing more issues and making me more angry, so i blocked him, to which i was happy, then i started to get messages on an app ( Tellony, basically anonymous people can ask you questions) so i started to get weird ones, that i only told her about, turns out shed talk to him about stuff etc, and then the questions would appear for me, so i asked her she confirmed yes we did talk, he denies typing them when i know im right, my gut says so, this was another issue, distrusting myself also, saying na it wont be this wont be that, so i grew more weaker to my own trust. After that we got back together etc, ran up to November 2nd when we broke up officially, it became too much, she felt i was blaming her etc, more issues got worse, my depression the lack of income, everything got ontop of me, she tried to understand me but her stress ontop of mine was too much, she lost friends to drugs also which added up ontop of it etc, she played with those people to destress and stuff, but i felt neglected and useless, but she didnt realise this how i felt about her pushing me away, anyways it got worse and still is worse now, i miss her we tried to be friends more issues keep happening, i feel we can be together again, but i dont know i need to get better but i cant because well, i feel disrespected that she plays with this Marc guy, even tho he breaks her trust more than me, and she plays with him alone sometimes for hours, then with the others, and it pisses me off truthfully, even tho hes not her type, it annoys me because i respected her, i blocked the girl flirting with me, i removed people for shit talking her and kicked them, because i respect her, but i didnt feel i was getting respect back, and shed send pictures to me of chats and stuff that she said she wanted to do in order to help me etc, and Marc said why would you ask her to do that, its all annoying me really i dont know what to think
I cant get over her either, we are constantly toxic daily and stuff, tried to be friends constant issues etc the lot. I cant block her she cant block me because i unblock her and i love her so much still
submitted by Peterson95 to LDR [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 16:00 tisht0sh Pregnancy Dream

I can’t get this nightmare out of my head. I had it a couple of days ago but it was so vivid. So real.
I dreamt I was pregnant. I was at the hospital, as it was my due date.
My whole family was there waiting for the baby to come. Everyone who would likely be there in real life, was there.
I was terrified of giving birth. I looked down at my strange pregnant belly and had no idea what to expect.
The baby never came on my due date. The next day, it was the same thing all over again. For some reason the nurses did my hair and nails. I remember thinking it was bizarre.
There was a film shoot happening on the first floor of this dream hospital and I remember peering down at it from the second floor balcony.
Afterward, I sat down frustrated that the baby still had not come. Then I realized I had only gotten one sonogram. I had never felt the baby kick. I began to panic that I was going to end up giving birth to a stillborn. I felt ashamed I had not taken the proper steps to care for my pregnancy. To care for the baby inside me.
During my panic, I looked to my left and a bunch of girls from middle school were all sitting together. Girls that had bullied me back then. They were all older in the dream but still looked the way I remembered.
I suddenly wasn’t even sure I wanted a baby. I didn’t feel ready. The baby was unplanned. None of them had babies.
I was torn between wanting the baby and not feeling ready to give my life to this baby.
I almost wanted to not want a baby so I wouldn’t be as upset when the baby never came or I gave birth to a stillborn.
Day three came and went and the baby never came.
Each day was a waiting game filled with stress and anxiety. Nothing went the way it was supposed to go. My fears and doubts continued to grow and then I woke up.
Thank you in advance for reading this. It means a lot to me.
Any thoughts or dream interpretations are very welcome.
submitted by tisht0sh to DreamInterpretation [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 15:53 thanaianthe I'm a mixture of old school - modern in flirting, near 20(age), and I wonder if it's just me or are there any people similar to me...at least to this concept

Hi guys! I'm 19F, from Philippines. So, unlike in other countries like USA, here in my country, moving out and living by yourself whether in streets, in a room for rent/bedspacer, in a condo unit or an apartment or your actual house by as early as 16(?) or maybe 18, is not a common thing. People stay with their parents for as long as they need/want. Usually even after marriage, some still lives with their parents. Just by looking at the title, yes this is me letting off a vent or maybe a conclusion of some sort: I'm not like any other typical 18-20s females. In today's time, by that age, we already have experience in flirting, dating, those type of stuff. Dating apps, meetups, in school type of dating, in job type of dating, etc. However, I'm not like that, I'm sort of a combo. I'm not the sex type of person, like usually, when we date, sex is already part of that. You meet someone, you date that someone, then part of that dating/getting into a relationship someway somehow is sex. At least it's been common in today's time. I grew up in a conservative family which explains me being old school type. I don't really believe in sexing the person you date unless you're gonna get married to that person, that type of old school BUT at the same time, I also had my experience in flirting, but that was long ago and in a social game. lol. it was mostly chat and no, didn't have sext. so yeah. I feel like I'm never gonna have a bf because of that but at the same time I really don't think I can have sex with someone I know who's gonna be temporary. I have that anxiety, and it sucks oh and add conservative fam + strict parents :D
tl;dr - me realizing I might actually grow old as an old maiden because of me being half old school half modern ish type of person when it comes to flirting
submitted by thanaianthe to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 15:51 Tuisdheisj Why I think I’m the most depressed real Pokémon Master ever...

So, I’m in my mid-late 20s now, so I’ve been playing since Red/Blue came out in the U.S. Pokémon was, and is, still the most important thing in my life. It is my one true passion. Currently typing this while walking on a highway, so sorry for any typos.
Growing up, I had one best friend in my neighborhood who got into Pokémon 2 years after I did (Gold/Silver era). Of course, I had the games when they came out too. He, as well as a couple friends in my elementary school, would spend all day with each other every single day as kids and just be playing Gold/Silver the entire time until Ruby/Sapphire came out, and be link battling and link trading all the time, too.
Well, after some time into 3rd Gen and before 4th Gen, I noticed the friends I had grown up with started to drift away from Pokémon. The battles started fading, the trading started fading, my friendships started fading...By the time that Gen 4 was about halfway through its life cycle, none of my friends played Pokémon anymore. We were around ages 13-14 at this time.
I just constantly contemplate how we grew up as best friends and Pokémon was the core to our friendship, and how people can just choose to leave it, after all of those amazing years. I could personally never leave my friends like that, so I stuck with it. I didn’t take a single break from Pokémon, even to this day. So, after all of these years, I still play every single day (not joking) and constantly reminisce about the “good days.”
It genuinely hurts because I like....can see myself in 3rd person almost when I look back at memories in my mind and just see us all laughing and having a great time when we’d game together and link trade/battle. And all of these memories just flood my head constantly and it hurts, ya know? How I’m the sole Pokémon Master left of our friend group and will never experience times like those again because we physically can’t go back to that time or those exact moments again.
Then when I play Red/Blue/Yellow or Gold/SilveCrystal, it’s almost like in my mind I place myself in the manga world of Pokémon and picture us as kids on a real Pokémon adventure. Or in the games themselves and I see my character from the first person like I’m actually in the game with those graphics around me and whatnot. I don’t know, my mind gets intense when I start thinking of nostalgic Pokémon. And it sucks that I’m considered weird if I’m in public talking to today’s generation of young Pokémon fans all about Pokémon. It’s like “hey, wow, this guy never grew up.” :/ I see myself as a young kid still still in that time so when reality hits that I’m mid-late 20s, I get down on myself hard. And in the dating world, it’s like...yeah, I’ve had some baddies and some would tell me “oh yeah, Pokémon is cool!” but it’s like...they’re not REAL fans like I am, ya know? I feel like I’ll never find a girl who’s into Pokémon just how I am, so that’s always a sucky thought too.
Anyway, I’ve stuck with Pokémon all of these years, buy every game that comes out, get every game’s PokéDex complete, and just prove to myself over and over that I’m the real Pokémon fan since the very beginning. I don’t know. It’s a huge nostalgic / sentimental thing I guess. I even carry my original GameBoy, Advance, DS, & 3DS with all of my original Pokémon games on me at all times, JUST on the off-chance I’ll find someone else who thinks like I do or feels the same or is a real, true fan to always be up for a battle or trade.
Anyway, I constantly see myself in the 3rd person as the only one left who’s still holding a GameBoy in my hand while everyone else moved on and left me and weren’t the real fans like I am, who I hoped they always were.
I’d put a TL;DR, but I’d rather you read my experience. Fair note: I typed all of this over the past 2 miles now of walking on a highway at 9AM. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m also coming down from my marijuana high. But I feel like this when sober too.
submitted by Tuisdheisj to PokemonSwordAndShield [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 15:51 Tuisdheisj Why I feel like I’m the most depressed Pokémon Master ever...

So, I’m in my mid-late 20s now, so I’ve been playing since Red/Blue came out in the U.S. Pokémon was, and is, still the most important thing in my life. It is my one true passion. Currently typing this while walking on a highway, so sorry for any typos.
Growing up, I had one best friend in my neighborhood who got into Pokémon 2 years after I did (Gold/Silver era). Of course, I had the games when they came out too. He, as well as a couple friends in my elementary school, would spend all day with each other every single day as kids and just be playing Gold/Silver the entire time until Ruby/Sapphire came out, and be link battling and link trading all the time, too.
Well, after some time into 3rd Gen and before 4th Gen, I noticed the friends I had grown up with started to drift away from Pokémon. The battles started fading, the trading started fading, my friendships started fading...By the time that Gen 4 was about halfway through its life cycle, none of my friends played Pokémon anymore. We were around ages 13-14 at this time.
I just constantly contemplate how we grew up as best friends and Pokémon was the core to our friendship, and how people can just choose to leave it, after all of those amazing years. I could personally never leave my friends like that, so I stuck with it. I didn’t take a single break from Pokémon, even to this day. So, after all of these years, I still play every single day (not joking) and constantly reminisce about the “good days.”
It genuinely hurts because I like....can see myself in 3rd person almost when I look back at memories in my mind and just see us all laughing and having a great time when we’d game together and link trade/battle. And all of these memories just flood my head constantly and it hurts, ya know? How I’m the sole Pokémon Master left of our friend group and will never experience times like those again because we physically can’t go back to that time or those exact moments again.
Then when I play Red/Blue/Yellow or Gold/SilveCrystal, it’s almost like in my mind I place myself in the manga world of Pokémon and picture us as kids on a real Pokémon adventure. Or in the games themselves and I see my character from the first person like I’m actually in the game with those graphics around me and whatnot. I don’t know, my mind gets intense when I start thinking of nostalgic Pokémon. And it sucks that I’m considered weird if I’m in public talking to today’s generation of young Pokémon fans all about Pokémon. It’s like “hey, wow, this guy never grew up.” :/ I see myself as a young kid still still in that time so when reality hits that I’m mid-late 20s, I get down on myself hard. And in the dating world, it’s like...yeah, I’ve had some baddies and some would tell me “oh yeah, Pokémon is cool!” but it’s like...they’re not REAL fans like I am, ya know? I feel like I’ll never find a girl who’s into Pokémon just how I am, so that’s always a sucky thought too.
Anyway, I’ve stuck with Pokémon all of these years, buy every game that comes out, get every game’s PokéDex complete, and just prove to myself over and over that I’m the real Pokémon fan since the very beginning. I don’t know. It’s a huge nostalgic / sentimental thing I guess. I even carry my original GameBoy, Advance, DS, & 3DS with all of my original Pokémon games on me at all times, JUST on the off-chance I’ll find someone else who thinks like I do or feels the same or is a real, true fan to always be up for a battle or trade.
Anyway, I constantly see myself in the 3rd person as the only one left who’s still holding a GameBoy in my hand while everyone else moved on and left me and weren’t the real fans like I am, who I hoped they always were.
I’d put a TL;DR, but I’d rather you read my experience. Fair note: I typed all of this over the past 2 miles now of walking on a highway at 9AM. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m also coming down from my marijuana high. But I feel like this when sober too.
submitted by Tuisdheisj to pokemon [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 15:47 yeeyeeboy5555 First PC build - help appreciated!

Hi there, all help is appreciated! This is going to be a quarantine project I am doing with some friends!
Cheers!
----------------------------------
BELOW IS INFO:
What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.**
Playing games like COD, RPGs. Plan to do some light photo editing and basic internet surfing. I am also using it for teleworking and school.
>**What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?**
Sub $900, please!
>**When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.**
ASAP
>**What, exactly, do you need to be included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/
Tower only
>**Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?**
I’m in Washington DC and do have access to a Microcenter
>**If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.**
N/A
>**Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?**
No.
>**Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)**
Definitely a 1TB storage and a solid SSD.
>**Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the
Micro-ATX build. I don’t care about LEDs too much but they never hurt.
>**Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?**
Don’t need a copy
submitted by yeeyeeboy5555 to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 14:36 they_call_me_prajesh 1 L build for me pls

What will you be doing with this PC? - Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
Apex legends , Hunt showdown , crysis remastered , photoshop , premiere pro , valhalla , SCHOOL most importantly
What is your maximum budget?
1 L
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? - Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
ASAP
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
tower
Which state/city will you be purchasing the parts in? State your preference for online or offline.
Tamilnadu , chennai and offline or at mdcomputers
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
500 GB HDD from my 8 year old desktop
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU
yea and only the CPU
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
m.2 SSD as boot drive
Do you have any specific case preferences? - (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colours, window or not, LED lighting, etc or a particular colour theme preference for the components)
anything with a tempered glass and RGB
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? - If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
no no no
Extra info or particulars: If you already have a build or certain components in mind or shortlisted, state them here.

PROCESSOR - 9600k
MOTHERBOARD - ROG B365 - F (https://mdcomputers.in/asus-rog-strix-b365-f-gaming.html)
RAM - 16 GB Corsair vengance
GRAPHICS CARD - RTX 3070 Zotac (https://www.primeabgb.com/online-price-reviews-india/zotac-gaming-geforce-rtx-3070-twin-edge-8gb-gddr6-graphic-card-zt-a30700e-10p/)

HARD DISK - https://amzn.to/31GEg3t SSD - https://amzn.to/3h1Yjxv
PSU-https://mdcomputers.in/cooler-master-mwe-v2-750-watt-80-plus-bronze-mpe-7501-acabw-bin.html
Chassis - https://mdcomputers.in/nzxt-h510-matte-white-tempered-glass-ca-h510b-w1.html
need to choose fans for the case
Total - 109,364 INR
anyway to lower price????
submitted by they_call_me_prajesh to IndianGaming [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 14:32 Myllles [Resource] Complete list of character creation options

Hey y'all! This is a revision/repost of a previous post. I hit the character limit on that one and was unable to update it with the content from Tasha's Cauldron of Everything. With no options left, I had to create a new post relegating some of the content (mostly Planeshift stuff) to a comment.
With that said, enjoy! I hope you find it useful.
Trying to make sure I'm up to date with all the content available from Wizards of the Coast (including Unearthed Arcana Playtest material). Should 2 pieces conflict, the Unearthed Arcana is listed as Outdated. A good example of this would be the Swashbuckler, found both in the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide and in an UA.
Disclaimer
It should be understood that anything listed that references Unearthed Arcana is play test material and may not be balanced (under powered or over powered) in accordance with the rest of D&D 5e content.
Races: Total 44
Customizing Your Origin (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p8)
Aarakocra (Elemental Evil Player's Companion, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p165)
Aasimar (Dungeon Master's Guide p286), not to be confused with
Aasimar (Volo's Guide to Monsters p104)
  • Protector Aasimar
  • Scourge Aasimar
  • Fallen Aasimar
Bugbear (Volo's Guide to Monsters p119, Eberron: Rising from the Last War p25, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p174)
Centaur (Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p15, Mythic Odysseys of Theros) (Outdated UA)
Changeling (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p17, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p60) (2nd outdated UA; 1st outdated UA)
Dragonborn (Player's Handbook p32)
  • Draconblood Variant (Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p168)
  • Ravenite Variant (Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p168)
Dwarf (Player's Handbook p18)
  • Hill Dwarf
  • Mountain Dwarf
  • Gray Dwarf (Duergar) (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p104, Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes p81)
  • Mark of Warding (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p51, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p108) (Outdated UA)
Elf (Player's Handbook p21)
  • High Elf
    High Elf, Aereni (Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p73) High Elf, Valenar (Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p73)
  • Wood Elf
    Wood Elf, Aereni (Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p73) Wood Elf, Valenar (Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p73)
  • Dark Elf (Drow)
  • Eladrin (Dungeon Master's Guide p286), not to be confused with
  • Eladrin (Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes p61) (Outdated UA)
  • Sea Elf (Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes p62, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p163) (Outdated UA)
  • Shadar-kai (Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes p62) (Outdated UA)
  • Pallid Elf (Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p163)
  • Avariel (Unearthed Arcana: Elf Subraces)
  • Grugach (Unearthed Arcana: Elf Subraces)
  • Mark of Shadow (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p49, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p105) (Outdated UA)
Firbolg (Volo's Guide to Monsters p106, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p170)
Genasi (Elemental Evil Player's Companion, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p171)
  • Air Genasi
  • Earth Genasi
  • Fire Genasi
  • Water Genasi
Gith (Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes p96) (Outdated UA)
  • Githyanki
  • Githzerai
Gnome (Player's Handbook p35)
  • Forest Gnome
  • Rock Gnome
  • Deep Gnome (Svirfneblin) (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p115, Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes p113, Elemental Evil Player's Companion)
  • Mark of Scribing (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p47, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p103) (Outdated UA)
Goblin (Volo's Guide to Monsters p119, Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p16, Eberron: Rising from the Last War p26, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p174)
Goblin, Dankwood (Adventure with Muk p35)
Goliath (Elemental Evil Player's Companion, Volo's Guide to Monsters p108, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p176)
Grung (One Grung Above)
Half-Elf (Player's Handbook p38)
  • Variant Descents (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p116)
  • Mark of Detection (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p40, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p96) (Outdated UA)
  • Mark of Storm (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p50, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p106) (Outdated UA)
Half-Orc (Player's Handbook p40)
  • Mark of Finding (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p41, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p98) (Outdated UA)
Halfling (Player's Handbook p26)
  • Lightfoot Halfling
  • Stout Halfling
  • Ghostwise Halfling (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p110)
  • Lotusden Halfling (Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p164)
  • Mark of Healing (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p43, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p99) (Outdated UA)
  • Mark of Hospitality (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p44, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p100) (Outdated UA)
Hobgoblin (Volo's Guide to Monsters p119, Eberron: Rising from the Last War p26, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p175)
Human (Player's Handbook p29)
  • Variant Human
  • Mark of Finding (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p41)
  • Mark of Handling (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p42, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p98) (Outdated UA)
  • Mark of Making (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p45, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p101) (Outdated UA)
  • Mark of Passage (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p46, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p102) (Outdated UA)
  • Mark of Sentinel (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p48, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p104) (Outdated UA)
Kalashtar (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p29, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p62) (Outdated UA)
Kenku (Volo's Guide to Monsters p109, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p177)
Kobold (Volo's Guide to Monsters p119)
Leonin (Mythic Odysseys of Theros)
Lizardfolk (Volo's Guide to Monsters p111)
Locathah (Locathah Rising p24)
Loxodon (Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p17) (Outdated UA)
Minotaur (Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p18, Mythic Odysseys of Theros) (2nd outdated UA; 1st outdated UA)
Orc (Volo's Guide to Monsters p120)
Orc, Variant (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p31, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p178)
Satyr (Mythic Odysseys of Theros)
Shifter (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p33, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p64) (2nd outdated UA; 1st outdated UA)
  • Beasthide Shifter
  • Longtooth Shifter
  • Swiftstride Shifter
  • Wildhunt Shifter
  • Cliffwalk Shifter (Outdated UA)
  • Longstride Shifter (Outdated UA)
  • Razorclaw Shifter (Outdated UA)
Simic Hybrid (Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p20) (Outdated UA)
Tabaxi (Volo's Guide to Monsters p113, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p179)
Tiefling (Player's Handbook p42)
Tortle (The Tortle Package, Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p181)
Triton (Volo's Guide to Monsters p115, Mythic Odysseys of Theros)
Vedalken (Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p21) (Outdated UA)
Verdan (Acquisitions Incorporated p72)
Viashino (Unearthed Arcana: Races of Ravnica)
Warforged (Eberron: Rising from the Last War p35, Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p67) (2nd outdated UA; 1st outdated UA)
Yuan-ti Pureblood (Volo's Guide to Monsters p120)
 
Note: the Revenant subrace (Unearthed Arcana: Gothic Heroes) can be applied to any race that has a subrace, and replaces that race's existing subrace options. Alternatively, it can also be applied to Humans and Dragonborn, following the modifications provided in the article.
Classes: Total 14
Artificer (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p9, Eberron: Rising from the Last War p54) (2nd outdated UA; 1st outdated UA)
  • Alchemist
  • Artillerist
  • Battle Smith
  • Armorer (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p15) (Outdated UA)
  • Archivist (Outdated UA)
Barbarian (Player's Handbook p46)
  • Berserker
  • Totem (Additions in Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p121)
  • Battlerager (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p121)
  • Ancestral Guardian (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p9) (2nd outdated UA; 1st outdated UA)
  • Storm Herald (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p10) (Outdated UA)
  • Zealot (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p11) (Outdated UA)
  • Beast (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p24) (Outdated UA)
  • Wild Soul (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p25) (Outdated UA)
Bard (Player's Handbook p51)
Cleric (Player's Handbook p56)
  • Knowledge
  • Life
  • Light
  • Nature
  • Tempest
  • Trickery
  • War
  • Death (Dungeon Master's Guide p96)
  • Arcana (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p125)
  • Forge (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p18) (Outdated UA)
  • Grave (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p19) (Outdated UA)
  • Order (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p31, Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p25) (Outdated UA)
  • Unity Peace (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p32) (Outdated UA)
  • Twilight (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p34) (Outdated UA)
  • Protection (Unearthed Arcana: Cleric Domains)
Druid (Player's Handbook p64)
Fighter (Player's Handbook p70)
Monk (Player's Handbook p76)
Paladin (Player's Handbook p82)
  • Devotion
  • Ancients
  • Vengeance
  • Oathbreaker (Dungeon Master's Guide p97)
  • Crown (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p132)
  • Conquest (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p37) (2nd outdated UA; 1st outdated UA)
  • Redemption (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p38) (Outdated UA)
  • Heroism Glory (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p53, Mythic Odysseys of Theros p29) (Outdated UA)
  • Watchers (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p54) (Outdated UA)
  • Treachery (Unearthed Arcana: Paladin)
Ranger (Player's Handbook p89)
Revised Ranger (Unearthed Arcana: The Ranger, Revised)
  • All subclasses listed for Ranger apply to the Revised Ranger as well (keeping in mind the 5th level feature). Hunter and Beast Master, in particular, are directly included in the relevant UA.
Ranger Spell-less (Unearthed Arcana: Class Design Variants)
Yet Another Ranger (OUTDATED, only goes to level 5) (Unearthed Arcana: Ranger)
  • Guardian
  • Seeker
  • Stalker
Rogue (Player's Handbook p94)
  • Thief
  • Assassin
  • Arcane Trickster
  • Mastermind (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p135) (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p46)
  • Swashbuckler (Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p135) (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p47)
  • Inquisitive (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p45) (Outdated UA)
  • Scout (Xanathar's Guide to Everything p47) (Outdated UA)
  • Revived Phantom (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p62) (2nd outdated UA) (1st outdated UA)
  • Soulknife (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything p63) (2nd outdated UA) (1st outdated UA)
Sorcerer (Player's Handbook p99)
Warlock (Player's Handbook p105)
Wizard (Player's Handbook p112)
Mystic (Unearthed Arcana: Mystic)
  • Order of the Avatar
  • Order of the Awakened
  • Order of the Immortal
  • Order of the Nomad
  • Order of the Soul Knife
  • Order of the Wu Jen
Prestige Class: Rune Scribe (Unearthed Arcana: Rune Magic) (requires 5th level, 13 DEX and INT, and a special task... only has 5 levels)
Modern Magic Class Archetypes1
  • Cleric: City Domain
  • Warlock Patron: Ghost in the Machine
  • Wizard Tradition: Technomancy
Spell Locations
I'm not writing out all the spells, just the places that have them. For filtering spells according to class, spell level, spell school etc, please refer to D&D Beyond. Bear in mind that Unearthed Arcana spells will not be there.
Artificer Infusions
Warlock Eldritch Invocations
MISC
Supernatural Gifts (Mythic Odysseys of Theros)
Supernatural Gift: Hollow One (Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p182)
Heroic Chronicle (Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p190)
Optional Class Features (Tasha's Cauldron of Everything) (Outdated Ua)
Feats:
Additional Fighting Styles:
Background options:
  • Player's Handbook p127
  • Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide p145
  • Out of the Abyss p221, Modifying Backgrounds
  • Hoard of the Dragon Queen p87, Background Template
  • Curse of Strahd p209 Haunted One
  • Tomb of Annihilation p191
  • Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica p33
  • Ghosts of Saltmarsh p29
  • Descent Into Avernus p203
  • Eberron: Rising from the Last War p53, also found in Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron p94
  • Acquisitions Incorporated p48
  • Explorer's Guide to Wildemount p200
  • Mythic Odysseys of Theros
  • AL:CoS Backgrounds
  • Hilsfar Regional Character Options
  • Mulmaster Bonds and Backgrounds
You can find Planeshift and D&D Beyong exclusive content below in the comments!
1 - Modern Magic archetypes were kept separated from the main list as they may be harder to implement into the typical fantasy game.
Let me know if you notice any typos or anything I've missed.
submitted by Myllles to dndnext [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 14:25 Due-Link1346 giving my old pc to best friend, wanted to buy a new one or upgrade anyway, budget 2K ! Gaming/programming.

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
Extra info or particulars:
maybe i will also be doing some streaming but don't build the pc around that. mostly gaming.
submitted by Due-Link1346 to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 14:25 No-Ad7595 PLEASE HELP ME

I want to kill myself because I have never had a relationship with a woman and, of course, I have never had sex. And for the past seven years, I haven't had any friends, even on the Internet, to discuss anything or play video games. I have many different interests and hobbies, and there are some that are more interesting to women. I'm not a freak, but I'm overweight 80 kg and 175 cm tall. I have my own house in the village, but my father sold the apartment to pay off the loan, and now he lives with me. There is a small population here, and there is no one to go anywhere, and there is not even a job. I have a disability pension, the worst thing for me is social phobia and anxiety. I would like to find a job and move to a big city. When I was at school, I was offered to meet and even once directly offered sex, but I was afraid and joked, now I'm just afraid to communicate. I am an introvert, I want relationships, but when they appear, I get tired of talking and break all ties, often delete all friends from the contact list. I don't understand women who date bastards, my mother was married to a father who drank and beat her, I once found a group on a social network where women hated men and wanted them dead, and I thought why, I didn't do anything wrong to you, I didn't even talk to you, I wanted to kill myself because of it. I am also Afraid that I will be accused of harassment and rape. I once corresponded with a girl on a social network, tried to please her, but she turned out to be 11 years old. I won't even have relationships with men, even though I had the only friend I ever had oral sex with, does that count as sex? I wanted to go to a nightclub and shoot everyone with a private life, but then I realized that they were not to blame.
submitted by No-Ad7595 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 14:03 dinkomaricic [H] Generation Zero, Blackwake, A Hat In Time, COH Complete, Crawl, Iconoclasts, SOMA, RE0HD, Synthetik, Gang Beasts, Forts, Plague Inc Evolved, ZAT, One Piece Burning Blood, Shadow Warrior 2, ETS2, 60 Seconds, Portal Knights & 100's more [W] Wishlist, Paypal(EU), Offers

Read the disclaimer here before we agree on ANY trades

Due to recent issues regarding humblebundle suspending accounts I will provide keys ONLY-no gift links.You can read more in this announcement.

My SGS Rep 83 trades
My IGS Rep 39 trades

I'm from EU,so KEYS SHOULD work pretty much anywhere

NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES-games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in ANY RL,CSGO,TF2 or any other keys
BUYER covers the FEES(if outside EU,EU F&F only)

My Wishlist or offer something(game or paypal)

List of games I have:
10 Second Ninja X
11-11 Memories Retold 0.5€
60 Seconds! NEW
911 Operator(X2) 0.5€
Aarklash Legacy 1€
A Case Of Distrust
A Good Snowman Is Hard To Build
A Hat In Time NEW
A Year Of Rain
Absolver 2€
Age Of Wonders III
Agents Of Mayhem(X2) 1.5€
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive(X2) 1€
Ancestors Legacy 1€
Anomaly Defenders
Anomaly Korea
Anomaly Warzone Earth
Anomaly 2
Archamon
Armello(X2) NEW 1€
Asura Vengeance
Atari Vault
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automachef
Autonauts(X2) NEW 1€
Avernum 3 Ruined World 0.5€
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Band Of Defenders
Baseball Riot
Basingstoke
Bastion 1.5€
Batman The Enemy Within NEW 3€
Battalion 1944 NEW 3€
Battlezone Gold Edition NEW 1.5€
Beat Hazard 2 1€
Beholder 2 1.5€
Beyond Eyes
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blackwake(X2) NEW 4€
Blood Fresh Supply NEW 1€
Bohemian Killing
Bomber Crew Deluxe 1.5€
Borderlands GOTY Enhanced NEW 3€
Borderlands The Handsome Collection NEW 4€
Boundless 1€
Broken Age(X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons 1€
Brutal Legend(X2)
Bulb Boy
Carnival Games VR
Carrier Command Gaea Mission
Castaway Paradise Town Building Sim
Catherine Classic 2.5€
Cities In Motion 1€
Cities In Motion 2(X2) 1€ + European Cities 1€
Close To The Sun NEW
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffee Talk NEW
Coffin Dodgers
Company Of Heroes Complete NEW 5€
Crawl NEW 3.5€
Crimsonland
Crouching Pony Hidden Dragon
Crying Suns 2€
Darkest Dungeon Shieldbreaker DLC
Darkwood Deluxe NEW 2.5€
Dark Future Blood Red States
Day Of The Tentacle Remastered 1€
Dead Age
Death Squared
Death's Hangover
Deadbeat Heroes(X2)
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deployment
Desert Child
Detention NEW 1€
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dimension Drifter
Distance
Distraint 2 + Soundtrack(X2)
Distrust
Divekick 0.5€
Dog Sled Saga
Downwell
Driftland The Magic Revival 0.5€
Dry Downing NEW
DUCATI 90th Anniversary 1.5€
Dungeon Marathon
Dungeon Rats
Dungeons 2
Dustforce DX
Eador Imperium(X2)
Eastside Hockey Manager
Enslaved Odyssey To The West Premium Edition
Equilinox 1.5€
Escape Goat 2
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn
Europa Universalis IV 2€
Euro Truck Simulator 2 NEW 5€
Evergarden 0.5€
Evoland Legendary Edition NEW
Extinction
F1 2018(X2) 1€
F1 2019 NEW 2€
Fantasy Blacksmith NEW
Fantasy Versus
FarSky
Fear Effect Sedna
Feather
Felix The Reaper 1.5€
Figment(X2) 1€
Fire Ungh's Quest
Forts NEW
Fluffy Horde
Framed Collection
Full Throttle Remastered 1.5€
Fun With Ragdolls The Game 1€
Gang Beasts NEW
Garage Bad Trip 1.5€
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gato Roboto
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW 4€
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams+DLC
GIBZ
GNOG
Goat Of Duty NEW 0.5€
Goetia(X2)
GoNNER BLüEBERRY EDiTION(X2)
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Gremlins Inc. 1€
Grey Goo Definitive Edition 0.5€
GRID(2019) Ultimate Edition NEW 3.5€
Grim Fandango Remastered 1€
Grip Combat Racing 1€
Guards Of The Gate
Gunman Tales
Guilty Gear Isuka
Guns Gore & Cannoli 1€
Hacknet(X2) + Labyrinths DLC
Hammerfight
Headlander
Hello Neighbor NEW 1.5€
Hello Neighbor Hide & Seek NEW 1€
Hero Defense
Hero Of The Kingdom III
Heroes Of The Monkey Tavern
Hive Jump(X2)
Hiveswap Act 1(X2)
Horace 1€
Hotline Miami(X2) 1€
Hotline Miami 2 Digital Special Edition NEW 2.5€
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hover
I Am Not A Monster
Ibb & Obb NEW
Iconoclasts NEW 5€
Immortal Planet(X2)
Impact Winter
Imperator Rome Deluxe NEW 2.5€
In Between
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris(delisted)
Insomnia The Ark Deluxe
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Iron Danger NEW 1€
Jalopy NEW 3€
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Kathy Rain
Kill To Collect
Kingdom Classic(X2)
King Oddball
Last Tide NEW 3€
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Lightmatter NEW 1€
Little Misfortune 1.5€
Love Is Dead
MagiCat
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Mainlining
Masquerada Songs And Shadows
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Massive Chalice
Medieval Kingdom Wars
Men Of War Assault Squad 2 War Chest Edition NEW 2.5€
Metal Unit
Minion Masters Premium NEW
Molek Syntez
Monochroma
Moonlighter NEW
MotoGP 15
Mr. Shifty
MXGP Official Motocross Videogame
Nairi Tower Of Shirin 0.5€
Necronator Dead Wrong NEW
NecroVisioN Lost Company
Neon Chrome
NeuroVoider
Nevermind
Next Hero
Niche(X2) 0.5€
Night Call
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
Octahedron
Of Orcs And Men 0.5€
Old School Musical
On Rusty Trails
One Piece Burning Blood NEW 4.5€
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Flashpoint Dragon Rising 1.5€
OPUS The Day We Found Earth
Orbital Racer
Oriental Empires(X2)
Original War(X2)
Outcast Second Contact 1€
Out There Ω Edition 0.5€
Overload
Overlord II 1€
Override Mech City Brawl(X2)
Oxenfree 1€
Pacify(X2) NEW 2€
Pac Man 256
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradigm
Passpartout The Starving Artist NEW 5€
Payday 2 2€
Peaky Blinders Mastermind NEW
Penarium
Pikuniku 1€
Pinstripe 1€
Plague Inc Evolved NEW
Poöf
Portal Knights NEW 3€
Pound Of Ground(X2)
Primal Carnage Extinction
Psychonauts
Psychonauts In The Rhombus Of Ruin
Puddle
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date(X2)
Puss 1€
Quest Of Dungeons
Rec Center Tycoon NEW
Rad(X2) 1.5€
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Radio Commander 1€
Raiden V Director's Cut 0.5€
Railway Empire (EU locked) NEW 2.5€
Rain World NEW 2€
Rebel Galaxy
Redeemer Enhanced Edition
Re-Legion
Remnants Of Naezith
Replay VHS Is Not Dead
Republique
Resident Evil 0 HD Remaster NEW 4€
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Complete NEW 4.5€
Rise Of Insanity
Road Redemption(X2) 1€
Rogue Stormers
Rover Mechanic Simulator 0.5€
Rusty Lake Paradise
RWBY Grimm Eclipse NEW 2.5€
Sakura Angels 1€
Samorost 3
Satellite Reign
Scribblenauts Unlimited 1.5€
Serious Sam 3 BFE(X2) NEW 3€
Shadow Warrior 2 NEW
Shadows Awakening 1€
Shadwen 1€
She Remembered Caterpillars
Sherlock Holmes The Devil's Daughter 2€
Shock Troopers
Shuyan Saga
Sigma Theory Global Cold War 0.5€
SimCity 4 Deluxe Edition
Sky Break 0.5€
Slipstream(X2)
Smile For Me 0.5€
Smoke And Sacrifice(X2)
Snake Pass
Sniper Elite V2 2€
Soma NEW
Songbringer
Sonic CD
Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 1 & 2
Space Hulk Ascension
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spec Ops The Line
SpeedRunners NEW
Speed Brawl 1€
Spelunky 2€
Stacking
Star Trek(delisted) NEW
Stasis
State Of Mind 1€
Stealth Bastard Deluxe
Stealth Inc 2 A Game Of Clones(X2)
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game(X2) NEW 2.5€
Streets Of Rogue NEW
Strider
Stronghold 2 Steam Edition NEW 1.5€
Stygian Reign Of The Old Ones
Styx Master Of Shadows 1€
Superhot NEW
Super Inefficient Golf
Surgeon Simulator Anniversary Edition NEW 1.5€
Surviving Mars 1.5€
Sword Legacy Omen(X2) 1€
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon 1€
Syberia II
Symmetry
Syndrome
Synthetik Legion Rising 5€
Table Manners The Physics-Based Dating Game NEW
Take On Helicopters
Take On Mars
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation(X2)
Talisman Digital Edition + City,Frostmarch,Sacred Pool NEW (trading only as a bundle) 2.5€
Talisman Origins
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour NEW 3€
Tharsis(X2)
The Adventure Pals
The Bard's Tale IV Director's Cut 1€
The Coma 2 Vicious Sisters 1€
The Darkness II
The Final Station
The Free Ones
The Gate Of Firmament
The Haunted Island
The Invisible Hours
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King's Bird(X2)
The King Of Fighters XIII Steam Edition
The Last Blade
The Last Leviathan
The Messenger NEW 1.5€
The Mims Beginning
The Night Of The Rabbit
The Occupation 1€
The Rivers of Alice Extended Version
The Spatials
The Spiral Scouts 0.5€
The Stanley Parable NEW
The Stillness Of The Wind
The Suicide Of Rachel Foster NEW 1.5€
The Testament Of Sherlock Holmes 2€
The Town Of Light(X2)
The Turing Test 2€
The Uncertain Last Quiet Day(X2)
The Walking Dead + 400 Days 2€
The Walking Vegetables
Them's Fightin' Herds(X2) 2€
Think Of The Children
This War Of Mine(X2) 1€
Throne Of Lies Online Game Of Deceit
Through The Darkest Of Times
Tilt Brush 1.5€
Timeshift 2.5€
Time Recoil
Toejam & Earl Back In The Groove NEW
Tooth And Tail 2€
Torchlight(X2) 1€
Torchlight II(X2) 1.5€
Townsmen A Kingdom Rebuilt 0.5€
Toybox Turbos 1€
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Valley 2 0.5€
Treasure Hunter Simulator 1€
Tricky Towers NEW 4€
Tropico 4
Truberbrook
True Fear Forsaken Souls
Tsioque 0.5€
Unbox Newbie's Adventure
Unexplored(X2)
Unloved
Velocibox
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard NEW 1€
VVVVVV
Warhammer 40K Dawn Of War GOTY 1€
Warhammer 40K Kill Team
Warhammer End Times Vermintide 1€
Wargroove NEW 2€
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warstone TD
We Are The Dwarves
We.The Revolution NEW 1.5€
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
White Night
Wings Of Vi(X2)
Wooden Sen'SeY
World's Dawn
World Of Goo
Worms Revolution
WRC 7 World Rally Championship 1.5€
Wurm Unlimited
Xenoraid The First Space War
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Youropa 1€
Yuppie Psycho 1€
Zombie Army Trilogy NEW
Zombie Kill Of The Week Reborn
Zombotron 1.5€

Programs:
Music Maker EDM Edition 4€

Some of the games from my wishlist:
Hydrophobia Prophecy
Remember Me
Limbo
Quake IV
Swords Of The Stars The Pit Osmium Edition
Dishonored 2
Gravel
The Equinox Hunt
GT Legends
Batman Arkham Knight
...and about 150 more games

I'm from EU,so KEYS SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
My Wishlist or offer something(game or paypal)
DONT TRY TO ADD ME ON STEAM OR SEND A PM BEFORE YOU POST IN THIS TOPIC-WILL NOT ANSWER YOU
submitted by dinkomaricic to indiegameswap [link] [comments]


2020.11.28 14:00 dinkomaricic [H] Generation Zero, Blackwake, A Hat In Time, COH Complete, Crawl, Iconoclasts, SOMA, RE0HD, Synthetik, Gang Beasts, Forts, Plague Inc Evolved, ZAT, One Piece Burning Blood, Shadow Warrior 2, ETS2, 60 Seconds, Portal Knights & 100's more [W] Wishlist, Paypal(EU), Offers

Read the disclaimer here before we agree on ANY trades

Due to recent issues regarding humblebundle suspending accounts I will provide keys ONLY-no gift links.You can read more in this announcement.

Your Steam account is required to be linked to your reddit account before being allowed to post here

My SGS Rep 83 trades
My IGS Rep 39 trades

I'm from EU,so KEYS SHOULD work pretty much anywhere

NOT BUYING GAMES,ONLY TRADES-games for games or selling for paypal
No interest in ANY RL,CSGO,TF2 or any other keys
BUYER covers the FEES(if outside EU,EU F&F only)

My Wishlist or offer something(game or paypal)

List of games I have:
10 Second Ninja X
11-11 Memories Retold 0.5€
60 Seconds! NEW
911 Operator(X2) 0.5€
Aarklash Legacy 1€
A Case Of Distrust
A Good Snowman Is Hard To Build
A Hat In Time NEW
A Year Of Rain
Absolver 2€
Age Of Wonders III
Agents Of Mayhem(X2) 1.5€
AI War 2
Alien Spidy
All You Can Eat
Almost There The Platformer
American Fugitive(X2) 1€
Ancestors Legacy 1€
Anomaly Defenders
Anomaly Korea
Anomaly Warzone Earth
Anomaly 2
Archamon
Armello(X2) NEW 1€
Asura Vengeance
Atari Vault
Attack Of The Earthlings
Automachef
Autonauts(X2) NEW 1€
Avernum 3 Ruined World 0.5€
Azkend 2 The World Beneath
Band Of Defenders
Baseball Riot
Basingstoke
Bastion 1.5€
Batman The Enemy Within NEW 3€
Battalion 1944 NEW 3€
Battlezone Gold Edition NEW 1.5€
Beat Hazard 2 1€
Beholder 2 1.5€
Beyond Eyes
Bird Of Light
Black Paradox
Blackwake(X2) NEW 4€
Blood Fresh Supply NEW 1€
Bohemian Killing
Bomber Crew Deluxe 1.5€
Borderlands GOTY Enhanced NEW 3€
Borderlands The Handsome Collection NEW 4€
Boundless 1€
Broken Age(X2)
Brothers A Tale Of Two Sons 1€
Brutal Legend(X2)
Bulb Boy
Carnival Games VR
Carrier Command Gaea Mission
Castaway Paradise Town Building Sim
Catherine Classic 2.5€
Cities In Motion 1€
Cities In Motion 2(X2) 1€ + European Cities 1€
Close To The Sun NEW
Clouds & Sheep 2
Coffee Talk NEW
Coffin Dodgers
Company Of Heroes Complete NEW 5€
Crawl NEW 3.5€
Crimsonland
Crouching Pony Hidden Dragon
Crying Suns 2€
Darkest Dungeon Shieldbreaker DLC
Darkwood Deluxe NEW 2.5€
Dark Future Blood Red States
Day Of The Tentacle Remastered 1€
Dead Age
Death Squared
Death's Hangover
Deadbeat Heroes(X2)
Deep Dungeons Of Doom
Deployment
Desert Child
Detention NEW 1€
Diaries Of A Spaceport Janitor
Dimension Drifter
Distance
Distraint 2 + Soundtrack(X2)
Distrust
Divekick 0.5€
Dog Sled Saga
Downwell
Driftland The Magic Revival 0.5€
Dry Downing NEW
DUCATI 90th Anniversary 1.5€
Dungeon Marathon
Dungeon Rats
Dungeons 2
Dustforce DX
Eador Imperium(X2)
Eastside Hockey Manager
Enslaved Odyssey To The West Premium Edition
Equilinox 1.5€
Escape Goat 2
E.T. Armies Deluxe Edition
Etherborn
Europa Universalis IV 2€
Euro Truck Simulator 2 NEW 5€
Evergarden 0.5€
Evoland Legendary Edition NEW
Extinction
F1 2018(X2) 1€
F1 2019 NEW 2€
Fantasy Blacksmith NEW
Fantasy Versus
FarSky
Fear Effect Sedna
Feather
Felix The Reaper 1.5€
Figment(X2) 1€
Fire Ungh's Quest
Forts NEW
Fluffy Horde
Framed Collection
Full Throttle Remastered 1.5€
Fun With Ragdolls The Game 1€
Gang Beasts NEW
Garage Bad Trip 1.5€
Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Gato Roboto
Gauge
Generation Zero NEW 4€
Giana Sisters Twisted Dreams+DLC
GIBZ
GNOG
Goat Of Duty NEW 0.5€
Goetia(X2)
GoNNER BLüEBERRY EDiTION(X2)
Grand Ages Medieval
Grand Pigeon's Duty
Gremlins Inc. 1€
Grey Goo Definitive Edition 0.5€
GRID(2019) Ultimate Edition NEW 3.5€
Grim Fandango Remastered 1€
Grip Combat Racing 1€
Guards Of The Gate
Gunman Tales
Guilty Gear Isuka
Guns Gore & Cannoli 1€
Hacknet(X2) + Labyrinths DLC
Hammerfight
Headlander
Hello Neighbor NEW 1.5€
Hello Neighbor Hide & Seek NEW 1€
Hero Defense
Hero Of The Kingdom III
Heroes Of The Monkey Tavern
Hive Jump(X2)
Hiveswap Act 1(X2)
Horace 1€
Hotline Miami(X2) 1€
Hotline Miami 2 Digital Special Edition NEW 2.5€
Hot Tin Roof The Cat That Wore A Fedora
Hover
I Am Not A Monster
Ibb & Obb NEW
Iconoclasts NEW 5€
Immortal Planet(X2)
Impact Winter
Imperator Rome Deluxe NEW 2.5€
In Between
Infinite Air With Mark McMorris(delisted)
Insomnia The Ark Deluxe
Interplanetary Enhanced Edition
Iron Danger NEW 1€
Jalopy NEW 3€
Jet Set Knights
Juanito Arcade Mayhem
Jump Stars
Kathy Rain
Kill To Collect
Kingdom Classic(X2)
King Oddball
Last Tide NEW 3€
Legacy Of Dorn Herald Of Oblivion
Lifeless Planet Premium Edition
Lightmatter NEW 1€
Little Misfortune 1.5€
Love Is Dead
MagiCat
Magrunner Dark Pulse
Mainlining
Masquerada Songs And Shadows
Masquerade The Baubles Of Doom
Massive Chalice
Medieval Kingdom Wars
Men Of War Assault Squad 2 War Chest Edition NEW 2.5€
Metal Unit
Minion Masters Premium NEW
Molek Syntez
Monochroma
Moonlighter NEW
MotoGP 15
Mr. Shifty
MXGP Official Motocross Videogame
Nairi Tower Of Shirin 0.5€
Necronator Dead Wrong NEW
NecroVisioN Lost Company
Neon Chrome
NeuroVoider
Nevermind
Next Hero
Niche(X2) 0.5€
Night Call
Ninjin Clash Of Carrots
Octahedron
Of Orcs And Men 0.5€
Old School Musical
On Rusty Trails
One Piece Burning Blood NEW 4.5€
Onikira Demon Killer
Operation Flashpoint Dragon Rising 1.5€
OPUS The Day We Found Earth
Orbital Racer
Oriental Empires(X2)
Original War(X2)
Outcast Second Contact 1€
Out There Ω Edition 0.5€
Overload
Overlord II 1€
Override Mech City Brawl(X2)
Oxenfree 1€
Pacify(X2) NEW 2€
Pac Man 256
Paper Fire Rookie
Paradigm
Passpartout The Starving Artist NEW 5€
Payday 2 2€
Peaky Blinders Mastermind NEW
Penarium
Pikuniku 1€
Pinstripe 1€
Plague Inc Evolved NEW
Poöf
Portal Knights NEW 3€
Pound Of Ground(X2)
Primal Carnage Extinction
Psychonauts
Psychonauts In The Rhombus Of Ruin
Puddle
Pumped BMX+
Punch Club
Purrfect Date(X2)
Puss 1€
Quest Of Dungeons
Rec Center Tycoon NEW
Rad(X2) 1.5€
Rad Rodgers Radical Edition
Radio Commander 1€
Raiden V Director's Cut 0.5€
Railway Empire (EU locked) NEW 2.5€
Rain World NEW 2€
Rebel Galaxy
Redeemer Enhanced Edition
Re-Legion
Remnants Of Naezith
Replay VHS Is Not Dead
Republique
Resident Evil 0 HD Remaster NEW 4€
Resident Evil Revelations 2 Complete NEW 4.5€
Rise Of Insanity
Road Redemption(X2) 1€
Rogue Stormers
Rover Mechanic Simulator 0.5€
Rusty Lake Paradise
RWBY Grimm Eclipse NEW 2.5€
Sakura Angels 1€
Samorost 3
Satellite Reign
Scribblenauts Unlimited 1.5€
Serious Sam 3 BFE(X2) NEW 3€
Shadow Warrior 2 NEW
Shadows Awakening 1€
Shadwen 1€
She Remembered Caterpillars
Sherlock Holmes The Devil's Daughter 2€
Shock Troopers
Shuyan Saga
Sigma Theory Global Cold War 0.5€
SimCity 4 Deluxe Edition
Sky Break 0.5€
Slipstream(X2)
Smile For Me 0.5€
Smoke And Sacrifice(X2)
Snake Pass
Sniper Elite V2 2€
Soma NEW
Songbringer
Sonic CD
Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 1 & 2
Space Hulk Ascension
Sparkle 2
Sparkle Unleashed
Spec Ops The Line
SpeedRunners NEW
Speed Brawl 1€
Spelunky 2€
Stacking
Star Trek(delisted) NEW
Stasis
State Of Mind 1€
Stealth Bastard Deluxe
Stealth Inc 2 A Game Of Clones(X2)
Steel Rats
Stick Fight The Game(X2) NEW 2.5€
Streets Of Rogue NEW
Strider
Stronghold 2 Steam Edition NEW 1.5€
Stygian Reign Of The Old Ones
Styx Master Of Shadows 1€
Superhot NEW
Super Inefficient Golf
Surgeon Simulator Anniversary Edition NEW 1.5€
Surviving Mars 1.5€
Sword Legacy Omen(X2) 1€
Swords And Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon 1€
Syberia II
Symmetry
Syndrome
Synthetik Legion Rising 5€
Table Manners The Physics-Based Dating Game NEW
Take On Helicopters
Take On Mars
Tales From Candlekeep Tomb Of Annihilation(X2)
Talisman Digital Edition + City,Frostmarch,Sacred Pool NEW (trading only as a bundle) 2.5€
Talisman Origins
Tennis In The Face
Tennis World Tour NEW 3€
Tharsis(X2)
The Adventure Pals
The Bard's Tale IV Director's Cut 1€
The Coma 2 Vicious Sisters 1€
The Darkness II
The Final Station
The Free Ones
The Gate Of Firmament
The Haunted Island
The Invisible Hours
The Journey Down Chapter Three
The King's Bird(X2)
The King Of Fighters XIII Steam Edition
The Last Blade
The Last Leviathan
The Messenger NEW 1.5€
The Mims Beginning
The Night Of The Rabbit
The Occupation 1€
The Rivers of Alice Extended Version
The Spatials
The Spiral Scouts 0.5€
The Stanley Parable NEW
The Stillness Of The Wind
The Suicide Of Rachel Foster NEW 1.5€
The Testament Of Sherlock Holmes 2€
The Town Of Light(X2)
The Turing Test 2€
The Uncertain Last Quiet Day(X2)
The Walking Dead + 400 Days 2€
The Walking Vegetables
Them's Fightin' Herds(X2) 2€
Think Of The Children
This War Of Mine(X2) 1€
Throne Of Lies Online Game Of Deceit
Through The Darkest Of Times
Tilt Brush 1.5€
Timeshift 2.5€
Time Recoil
Toejam & Earl Back In The Groove NEW
Tooth And Tail 2€
Torchlight(X2) 1€
Torchlight II(X2) 1.5€
Townsmen A Kingdom Rebuilt 0.5€
Toybox Turbos 1€
Tracks The Train Set Game
Train Valley 2 0.5€
Treasure Hunter Simulator 1€
Tricky Towers NEW 4€
Tropico 4
Truberbrook
True Fear Forsaken Souls
Tsioque 0.5€
Unbox Newbie's Adventure
Unexplored(X2)
Unloved
Velocibox
Vikings Wolves Of Midgard NEW 1€
VVVVVV
Warhammer 40K Dawn Of War GOTY 1€
Warhammer 40K Kill Team
Warhammer End Times Vermintide 1€
Wargroove NEW 2€
Warlock Master Of The Arcane
Warstone TD
We Are The Dwarves
We.The Revolution NEW 1.5€
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
White Night
Wings Of Vi(X2)
Wooden Sen'SeY
World's Dawn
World Of Goo
Worms Revolution
WRC 7 World Rally Championship 1.5€
Wurm Unlimited
Xenoraid The First Space War
Yet Another Zombie Defense HD
Ylands Exploration Pack
Youropa 1€
Yuppie Psycho 1€
Zombie Army Trilogy NEW
Zombie Kill Of The Week Reborn
Zombotron 1.5€

Programs:
Music Maker EDM Edition 4€

Some of the games from my wishlist:
Hydrophobia Prophecy
Remember Me
Limbo
Quake IV
Dishonored 2
Swords Of The Stars The Pit Osmium Edition
Gravel
The Equinox Hunt
GT Legends
Batman Arkham Knight

...and about 150 more games

I'm from EU,so KEYS SHOULD work pretty much anywhere
My Wishlist or offer something(game or paypal)
DONT TRY TO ADD ME ON STEAM OR SEND A PM BEFORE YOU POST IN THIS TOPIC-WILL NOT ANSWER YOU
submitted by dinkomaricic to SteamGameSwap [link] [comments]